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-   -   filthy's errr um... (http://cellar.org/showthread.php?t=25462)

Aliantha 07-06-2011 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Clodfobble (Post 743592)
Sorry, but I'm going to be unpopular and play a little Devil's Advocate here.

Women are constantly given the stereotype of talking too much, and specifically talking about things that the men in their lives couldn't give a crap about. It should not be surprising when someone tries to avoid being "that woman," by seeking input from the guy on what he's actually interested in hearing about.

One of the cardinal rules of being a good conversationalist is to ask the other person about themselves.

Obviously there's a line in there somewhere, between wanting some normal amount of attention from the relationship and being high-maintenance and "all about me," and I have no idea of the specifics of your relationship and where your (ex)girlfriend may actually fall on that spectrum. I'm just saying, it's not inherently bad for her to have refrained from yammering about every detail of her life when you haven't asked.

Breaking up on Facebook first is definitely no good, though.

This is what I was thinking when I read the OP. Maybe all she wants is for you to say, "so how was your day dear?"?

plthijinx 07-07-2011 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aliantha (Post 743767)
This is what I was thinking when I read the OP. Maybe all she wants is for you to say, "so how was your day dear?"?

i ask that religiously. not for idle convo either. i ask because i care. growing pains in a relationship i think? i dunno. personally, my day sucked and i'm thankful it's bed time. g'night all.

limey 07-07-2011 03:21 AM

I know it's good to be employed an all that, but is there any chance you could ease off on the work thang, philthy? Might give you more time for you, ya know?

infinite monkey 07-07-2011 08:28 AM

You better ask me how my fucking day went, or there will be hell to pay.

Um, I'm sorry. How was your day?

Oh, like YOU care. You didn't ask me until I told you to ask me so that means you don't really give a shit how my day was. Don't placate me.

What do you want from me, what do you want me to do?

I want you to CARE. I just want you to CARE.

I DO care! We don't seem to be communicating very well, I guess.

I keep TRYING to tell you HOW to communicate with me and you keep failing.

But, but, but...you said earlier not to communicate with you if you told me how to communicate with you?! OMG I'm so confused. Should it be this hard?

So, now it's too HARD? TOO HARD?

--------
Meh. Hot potato. Drop.

plthijinx 07-07-2011 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by infinite monkey (Post 743824)
You better ask me how my fucking day went, or there will be hell to pay.

Um, I'm sorry. How was your day?

Oh, like YOU care. You didn't ask me until I told you to ask me so that means you don't really give a shit how my day was. Don't placate me.

What do you want from me, what do you want me to do?

I want you to CARE. I just want you to CARE.

I DO care! We don't seem to be communicating very well, I guess.

I keep TRYING to tell you HOW to communicate with me and you keep failing.

But, but, but...you said earlier not to communicate with you if you told me how to communicate with you?! OMG I'm so confused. Should it be this hard?

So, now it's too HARD? TOO HARD?

--------
Meh. Hot potato. Drop.

*picks up potato and looks down*
But THAT'S hard!

Oh.

*tosses potato to next person

infinite monkey 07-07-2011 09:19 PM

Hey, I was thinking about my post and what am I? Some paragon of relationship skills? Nope.

Me and my bad sense of humor.

If you can work it out and it's what you want, you should do that. If it doesn't fit 'you' then move on. But as Clodfobble et al said there is work to be done in a (in any) relationship. The hard part is confusing the work with abnormal adjustments. Mileage will always vary when two different individuals are involved.

You are a good guy. You deserve someone good for you, whatever that is.

:)

plthijinx 07-08-2011 06:57 AM

Ty, hun!

I saw it! And i wadnt tawkn bout no tater bein hard neither! [/redneck] :D

Sundae 07-08-2011 11:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plthijinx (Post 743923)
And i wadnt tawkn bout no tater bein hard neither! [/redneck] :D

Made me laugh because that's exactly what we had for school dinner yesterday.
Hot, hard potatoes.

I know, because I help out at the beginning of lunch - initially for Tiger, but later for Tennant (currently Mum-free due to cancer treatment). I tried to mash butter into his jacket pot, then mash the cheese on top. I got there eventually. Then all the other kids on the table (despite being more cutlery-aware) want the same help.

Filthy if you love her you will work out your own approach. And then decide if she is worth it. My ex husband bent over backwards to meet my every requirement (as Dad does to Mum, as Grandad did to Nanny). It didn't help us in the end. The Evil Ex simply dictated and I followed - it was the flip side and certainly wasn't a foundation for anything other than the on-off rollercoaster ride we had.

It might not be that you're wrong or she's wrong - it's just whether you mesh well enough for compromise to be worth it. If either one of you is constantly giving too much ground you will be unhappy.

Perry Winkle 07-08-2011 06:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sundae (Post 743937)
If either one of you is constantly giving too much ground you will be unhappy.

I second this. House, new truck, two dogs, career suicide. I'm all out of ground.

Keep your ground plthijinxs.

skysidhe 07-08-2011 09:59 PM

70 hours a week is a big haul and after a 2 hour conversation about it, seems things should have been understood by both parties. She is free to walk and apparently did so I don't see a problem here.... Just saying.

TheMercenary 07-14-2011 06:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plthijinx (Post 743423)
i have to ask? so basically if i don't ask then i don't get anything.

Sounds like a dream date. :D

plthijinx 07-17-2011 05:18 PM

lol merc!

well that was a fun relationship. maybe one day.......one will last.

nothing to be sorry about. we did have some fun, only we didn't click. happens. *shrug*


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