My parents live in NJ. i have a step mom. My real mother died while giving birth to me...which I have talk about on here. I moved here at 11 or 12. I spend my day on the computer looking for jobs. and I also come on here in between the search which is exhausing...

I move back and forthe between the screens of here, and employment sites. I was told about this site from someone who stumbled upon it. this person knows my true identity from the other site i have spoken about. I love this site. it is truly the best...

since i have answered your questions, i want to know about this other 'emma' person. if it is not allowed to be discussion, than that is fine. but evidently she did something very terrible.

I have come in peace. while i am unstable and i understand that, i am harmless and kind.

Thank you,
Pam.

That's not what she said elsewhere. She said they lived in another state. It started my whole "what's your story" questions in gawd knows which of the hundreds of threads she started, which were never answered.

Don't let the facts get in the way of a good story.

yes, they live in a different state. i am in NY, they are in NJ.
what do you lack to understand??

Mr. Infinite lacks credulity to the understandingness.

Practice makes perfect! PULL!

Pam, have you been officially diagnosed?

Do you attend therapy?

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune, but to lose both parents looks like carelessness.
(Lady Bracknell)

People, you have to understand that none of the life examples Pam gives are intended as factual statements.

Yes. i have been diagnosed with a personality disorder, anxiety neurosis, depression, and bi-polar. I do attend therapy, and take medications. my condition hopefully explains my passive/aggressive behaviour (or so they tell me.)

at times, i just go nuts. it's not something i want to do; and it is very difficult for me to controll. but i will try harder. if i see someone who is homeless or hungry i will offer to buy them a snack or whatever i can afford. i have a very kind heart. but then there are times when i 'snap' for no reasons. like when i saw the pretty girl on the train holding flowers. and i wanted to smash them because i never get flowers. but that would not be fair to her.

at the same time the thought was in my mind until she got off the train. and i keep staring at her perfect pretty face and body. I was jealous and angry.

Wishig you the best Mr underoad,
Pam.

A former member here was named "Starring Emma." She became intolerably annoying, and to get rid of her, she was "sent to Coventry." This means that she could make posts, but nobody else could see her posts. She could see them, and Undertoad and the moderators could see them if they wanted to, but for everyone else, her posts are gone. So I can't show you any of her posts, because she's been made invisible. You will just have to trust that she was here, and be happy that you don't have to read her posts.

thank you for reply. Anyone with the name 'starring emma' wanted to be a 'star.' so that should have gave her away. When i was on the other site, there was a person imitating me. I do not know what the motivation was. And i spent a lot of time battling that. I tried to show people how the structural sentences were different. I quoted the other poster's post, and then posted below how i would have written it. it was not fair to me. the 'imposter' used much bigger words than me, and longer senetences. and was much better at grammer. finally the webmaster came on. she had checked each IP address. and dismissed the rumor. I won validation!!!

thanks again,
Pam.

That's excellent, going for therapy! Good job by you.

When you're in therapy, do they give you suggestions on how to manage it when you "snap"?

Well, i have 'breathing techniqes' theye have taught me. also 'immiging' techniqes as well. I try to focus on my 'happy place' in my brain. so a lot of it is mental exercize.

i also need to be more carful to take medication at propers time. that is a very big factor. i also need to not drink wine. that is a key trigger to my mood.

thank you for a wonderful sight,
Love Pam.

Pam, I am writing you a reply because I think what I have to say is important. But before you read, I want you know one thing. A lot of what I have to say will sound very mean, but I am only being 100% honest.

The reason why some of us might think you are troll is because your responses are erratic, you are offended very easily and blow things out of proportion, and you post a lot of threads about yourself and then get angry for us talking about you. If you are a really the way you say, than I am sorry for baiting you, but your actions are very suspect so it is hard to take you seriously.

My advice, if you want it, is to stop posting/reading The Cellar. Not because I do not want your input, but because I think it is bad for you. You do not need to do so for forever, but take a break. 6months or a year. You are not alone in this, many dwellers here have had to take a break when they were having mental issues. You have admitted to having mental issues, and you are not coping well at this time. Thats normal, you are under a lot of stress. That being said, it is hard enough to judge a person's true intent in real life, it is 50times harder to judge their intent on the internet when you do not have body, face or voice cues to help you discern their meaning. Therefor, I think you should take a break from online interacting. I think you are having a hard time understanding people's intent, and online you need to have the ability to stay calm and rational. At this time, you are struggling with that and you need to time to gain mental stability. Again, many of the posters here have had the same exact issue and had to take a break. You are not the only one.

Next, if your parents are good people, and able to help you out, then forget the job in NY and move back in with them. I, myself, have had to move back to my parents more than once due to medical issues. There is no shame in that. If living with them will help you have less stress, then do it. You need to focus on your mental health and do whatever it takes. Mental diseases are extremely difficult to control, it takes time, and most people do not understand them very well. Give the medicine time to work, almost all meds I've used for depression took months to a year to be truly effective, even meds for other diseases like Rheumatoid Arthritis can take a long time to work well. Do not give up on the meds, take them!

Last, STOP DRINKING! The type of meds you are probably on do not work well with alcohol. If you truly want to get better, do not drink alcohol at all.


Again, I know this will probably upset you, but believe it or not, I mean it to help you. Concentrate on getting better, take a break from online interaction. I wish you the best.

Please take time to really think about my message. Even take it in to your therapist if you have to and see what their opinion is if need be.