i have a house guest....in my attic.....I've asked him politely to leave, and closed off his entry point..... and yet....he seems to have had a back door.

Thats too bad - but I told ya. He MUST be relocated. Look at it from his/her perspective. Your attic is like the Taj Mahal compared to a bunch of twigs on a tree branch. Get a hav-a-heart, trp him and drop him off at RichL's place. :3eye:

yeah...i'll relocate him to squirrely heaven.

now now - FSM's creatures and all that....
I have a BB gun with a scope if you need to use it ;)
you gotta buy the pellets though - the shot just don't fly straight.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...un-pellets.jpg
I recommend the one in the top right of this image.
It will NOT be pretty and the squirrel will most likely NOT die initially. It will be writhing in pain and screaming in agony. Just so you are prepared.

I prefer this:

http://guns.connect.fi/gow/aquila.jpg

from a BB gun? shooting in your yard? at a squirrel? possibly towards our house or other property/people?
Helloooooooooooo???????

This morning there is a very grisly looking squirrel road kill right in front of my house, ......and I wonder if I could be this lucky.

They have extended family. There is always a cus waiting in the tree next door to move into to your house.

is he actually causing any trouble in the attic?

Wild parties, pot, alcohol, poker games...you need to put your foot down, jim, and make that damn squirrel get a job.

yes, he is. or was hopefully.

shitting all over, messing up the insulation, i found a chewed wire, chewed up nutshells all strewn about, etc.

I think what Dana was getting at was, have you really taken the time to consider this from the squirrel's perspective? Being a rich white man who has had it easy his whole life you can't possibly understand the plight of the squirrel just trying to get by in this cold cruel world.

Are you suggesting a symbiotic living arrangement? :D

I'm telling you, the damn squirrel needs a purpose. He can start small, a job at the local market, maybe take a class or two at the community college. Only education and need will make parasites like your squirrel finally start giving to society, and some tough love is in order. Of course no one likes to work, but tell him "fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life" (Animal House)

Hey fuck all of you.