Um.

Not a christian here. Hardline athiest, to be specific.
I married my husband when I was 23. After 5 years of dating.

We've never had a reason to regret it.

Just sayin'.

Live and let live - perhaps there is something in that for all concerned.

I pretty much knew before the end of the first week of dating that I wanted to marry my wife. We got engaged about as quickly as your sister, but we kept it to ourselves. We didn't announce it for another several months, and then took a little over a year to plan the wedding. Not because we weren't sure, but because of scheduling conflicts with other big family events. That was 16 years ago, and we're still going strong.

My point is that it's possible to just know, and you don't need a bunch of time to figure it out.

I'm not saying that this is your sister's situation, just that it's possible.

You don't have to be happy about their decision, but you can, maybe, be happy that she is happy. Sure there will likely remain that little warning voice in the back of your mind shouting 'Danger, Danger', but there is always danger. She could spend three years dating a guy and then marry him and discover he's not quite the man she thought he was. It happens. There are no guarantees for good or ill. She may have met a guy who is her soulmate and thus feels no need to wait. She may be rushing in like a fool, blinded by immediate feelings. In either case, she could be wrong or right. Some of the seemingly worst matches outlast the ones that appear made in heaven.

And seriously, Moar, don't take this the wrong way, but how your parents are with you and how they are with her is irrelevant to this. It may or may not be fair that they feel you need dire warnings and greater levels of oversight in such matters. They may well feel that attempts to inject caution in this situation could be deemed a negative response and not want to spoil her happiness. If she's sure enough to want to marry, she's highly unlikely to take such warnings well or to heart.

Worrying for you, I realise. But there's nowt you can do about it m'dear. Just be happy that she's happy and reserve your opinion of the decision that she's taken.

Sisters 23? Still not married? I was 24 when I married my wife. We dated for about a year before we decided to get hitched. We actually had people betting it wouldn't last (we were both partiers). Hell, 28 years later we're still together and most of them have already been divorced and remarried.

All I can really say is...

...if your sister and her boyfriend really want to get married there is nothing you can say that will talk her out of it. If they do get married then the marriage will last as long as both of them want it to last.

But, you know your sister better than anyone here and all I can honestly say is...

...whatever decision they make, I wish them the best... and you too.

Is she hot?

My open disapproval of my now BIL, when he first started dating my sister was the first big crack in our until then fairly reasonable relationship. He was an office romance, who split with his fiancee to date my sister. They were living together within a couple of months - she's a practising Catholic, but some things were quite flexible when she was 19!

They got engaged the day they moved in and started saving for the wedding immediately. She got pregnant on her honeymoon.

And they're still together. Still happy as far as I can tell. He's a wonderful father. Not my cup of tea, and I think he's made her very insular, but that's not for me to comment.

You won't change her mind MTP. No-one changed mine when I got married even though it was definitely for all the wrong reasons, and I resented those conversations. By all means speak mild caution. By be clear that you love her and want her to be happy. And if it goes tits-up, which I really hope it won't, you can be there to help her through that too.

Dazza and I were engaged after only about 6 months being together and married 6 months later.

I knew we'd be together long term the first time we met. So did he.

Sometimes that's just the way it happens. I wouldn't have listened if someone tried to warn me off or suggest I was doing the wrong thing because I knew it was the right thing for me at the time. Most likely your sis feels the same way MTP, rightly or wrongly.

If she did listen to you though, what would you really want her to do? Just prolong the engagement? Just note that you have concerns?

In my experience, I told you so's are pointless when relationships break up, so just try and put things in such a way that she doesn't feel like you're setting the scene for that sort of conversation in the future. That's about the best advice I have other than what's already been said.

I'm not as upset with her at this point as I am my parents. I'm not really upset with her at all, for her I'm worried.
All I want is for the negative consequences to be takin into serious consideration. Yes, they should possibly prolong the engagement. If its the right person, then why would a bit extra time to confirm that "feeling" really cause harm? No they should take some extra time to be sure they have the same goals (i.e. # kids, social status, ect). Sure they might not have complete control over those things, but its wouldn't it be best if they agreed and knew what the other had in mind? There are a ton of things couples will forget to consider in the rush to get married. If nothing else they could take some relationship classes before hand. I don't give a fuck if she just "knows" or has the right "feeling." Those aren't logical enough reasons to get yourself into such a difficult situation to get out of. Financially as well as emotionally. The majority of those who have gotten divorced or just are unhappily married, most likely thought it felt absolute right when they decided to marry also.

If my sister tried to interfere in my decision to get married I'd be pissed as all hell.

It's irrational and illogical to be this bent out of shape about it, imo. Do you have a therapist you can talk to? I suspsect your distress at your sister's impending nuptuals is a side-effect of something else that is bothering you. It's clearly having a big effect on your personal happiness so I think you should maybe concentrate on that. Just my 0.00000002c worth

oh so I guess I'm just not supposed to worry about my family

That's your call. From here this looks like more than "worrying'. But I'm not in your shoes and I don't know your sister or parents. But i worry about you -and see how pissed off you are about my mentioning it?

Worry is one thing. You want people to consider and act on your perspective of someone else's relationship, which, right or wrong, isn't relevant.

Support your sis, be happy for her, this isn't about you.

I'm not trying to make it about me.
I am happy for her, but I can't be stupidly happy. I recognize there are good questions that need to be asked, and my parents are being absolutely blind about the whole thing. I would expect her to give me the same reality check in said situation, and she has, I've never resented her for it. I know she questions my decisions because she wants to make sure I'm looking at all sides of it. We've disagreed, but again, I know she questions because she loves me, its the same situation back. We have a more dynamic relationship than other people seem to understand, we're friends, not just family.

Clearly I am not the person to tell anyone about engagements, but my two cents is to be clear to her about your concerns, advise her to consider a long engagement, and let her know that you'll watch her back whether things go good or bad.