The only old lady in my life is my Mum.
I'd be pretty shocked if my Dad had that much of a better tan than her.

Also that they'd changed their bedroom carpet.

Toots? Isn't that a bit sexist? Show some sensitivity, most broads prefer being called "sugar butt."

Really? I didn't know it had changed. I thought I was safe so long as I didn't call them Ho's. Bitches sensitive feelings are hard to get a handle on.