It's a real motherfucker, this thing. I think this will zap it, but I haven't tried it yet.

For anyone's future reference, I think this is how he got it:

You're surfing along, and something pops up telling you that you have X number of virus, and no virus protection, and download this thing to fix it. It may even burrow in and then later pop up from the system tray; because that's where the thing lives now, masquerading as the Windows security alert icon. So anyway, you download the thing, and it's a trojan which takes over your system and starts inviting all it's friends in.

Two things that piss me off about this: I put virus protection and a firewall on this PC, so when it said "you don't have any protection" and he believed it, did he think that I was lying to him?! He trusted an anonymous fucking popup over me?! Obviously he did, and the real reason why he didn't find this behavior unusual is that he has AOL. And AOL also takes over your system and does all kinds of shit without asking you. So, in his mind, that's what computer programs are: a "smart" thing that makes decision for you without your knowledge or consent. AOL fucks people up.
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Oh, and thanks for all the suggestions. I may use the software that lookout suggested. The other suggestions I fear would be wasted on this guy.

My current plan is to keep it for about a week, and make him think it's permanently destroyed and will never work again, and he doesn't have a computer at all anymore. I'll make sure to let him know exactly what he did wrong, so he can thnk about that. Eventually, I will at "great effort" manage to find a way to fix it. And when I finally give it back to them, his wife should be so pissed that she will be on the "lookout" for those emails.
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Oh, and one more thing: No amount of security in the world can protect you if you knowingly invite something in. Your security is ultimately up to you.

Try sitting him down and explaining the problem with popups and trojans. Warn him about the tricks they employ to snag unwary users such as he. My mum had hser system do the same thing. Had to reformat the whole fucking thing and reinstall XP. I explained to her about not downloading huge amounts of stuff to her toolbar and not believing the warning popups when they appear.

If you aren't computer savvy (and god knows I am only barely literate in pc terms) and are used to using AOL packages that do everything for you and basically take over, then you aren't going to be aware of the potential pitfalls. That's how AOL manage to get so many people using them. People want an appliance, rather than a hobby. With the best will in the world, computers are not yet a simple appliance.

I appreciate that. I'm sure this is a "teach a man to fish" situation, but the problem here is that the guy's wife legitimately needs a computer to pay bills on and stuff. I'm not fixing it for him, I'm fixing it for her.
Somewhere in between. Like the bullet I'm starting to feel like putting between this guy's eyes. It's a long story. Apparently I've moved past the "novelty" phase and have settled securely on not liking this guy, just like nobody else likes him.

I set up this computer for them, for legitimate business purposes, and he fucks it up by surfing porn all day. And he brings it back because he needs it to go to "job sites" or whatever.

Perhaps I'm a luddite, but I won't do anything banking related on my computer. They are too unreliable.

My credit card has been used on a computer, but if that number is compromised, there is a small minimum liability for me, so I'm not concerned. Similarly, my 401K information is on the computer, but all a hacker could do is switch funds around into various accounts.

All of my "money" information is kept as far away from the computer as possible. Figuratively speaking. Astute Dwellars will remember from my house tour that my filing cabinet was situated next to the computer desk.

i reached through the webz and took a couple of your credit card statements. they were the easiest to grab. hope you don't mind.

I don't have my statements on the computer, I just meant that I had purchased things online with my credit cards before.

*sigh* joke. fail. i meant that i reached through and took them out of your filing cabinet. i suck at that humor thing.

I knew you were joking, but didn't get the filing cabinet aspect of it. My bad.

Anyway back to Flint's friends who do their banking online and surf sketchy porn sites with the same machine. What's up with them? [/awkwardly tries to change subject away from my lack of a sense of humor]

I thought it was funny, lookout. :D


Flint, if he's so unsavvy, couldn't you put a net nanny on his browser?

just tell him god will shrink his package if he clicks on any popups without consulting hezekiah 1:1a first.

I think I might just invite him over, get a sledgehammer and smash the laptop, and then say "this is what clicking on stupid shit does to your computer" and then hand him the broken fragments of the thing and boot his ass out the door.

Please take video!

you'll have more fun watching his wife cut him into tiny pieces after she starts getting emails telling her he's visiting Barely legal buxomb bisexual beauties next door.com.

Tell him it's got a PEBKAC and there's nothing you can do.
{ProblemExistsBetweenKeyboardAndChair}