sometimes. i get home around midnight, he usually wakes up for a feeding at 1, so i stay up until thats over. usually wakes up around 7 hungry, so i feed him then, and he usually sleeps until 9ish. so i get a good 7-8 hours most nights. its nights like last night, when he was fighting a stomach bug, that get difficult.

im not sure that was a conscious intent, his intent was to instill respect. either way, its still the wrong way to go about it. basilbrush said respect breeds respect, and i think thats true. my father never understood that. i was his son, so dammit, i owe him respect. well, i dont know about respect, but sometimes i feel like i owe him a good asskicking.

but its like warch said, are you sure you really want kids? propogation of your bloodline isnt whats important nowadays, at least thats how i see it. if youre happy just being a couple, and choose to just stay a couple, thats a great decision. my wife and i talked about that too. i wont say youre not missing anything if you dont have kids, but i will say that ive missed things by being a father. i dont regret it, i made a conscious decision to give up that life for the one i have now. some people think its selfish to not have children, and thats bullshit. its your life and you get to decide how to live it. down either path is the potential to live life to its fullest.

please dont take the above rant wrong, its just that ive heard too many people say they want children because they dont want their 'name to die' and mean it in all seriousness. i know thats not your angle. you obviously feel very strongly about it, and i dont doubt that you will be a wonderful father if and when the time comes. being a dad is great, and it gets better every day.

~james

Hmmm. Interesting topics about kids. I think it is very important to set limits and assert parental authority. I've sometimes said (only half jokingly) that I think part of my job is to give my kids something to rebel against. Does this make them second class citizens? If so, I can deal with it. But, I think there is a difference between not valuing their opinions and setting limits. Will we let our kids go on about what they did at school, or describe their latest idea? Sure. (My 3yo son is now very interested in having everybody in the family get a clarinet, since I have one... my daughter, now 6, used to ask how long it takes to go to Saturn and why we can't go there instead of the Poconos for our vacation). But that doesn't mean that things like bedtime or cleaning up are subject to family debate. I think what's hard (for kids and parents both) is to let the kids have free reign in some areas and not in other, and have everybody understand where the boundaries are.

There's a big difference between authoritarian and authoritative.

I certainly respected my parents...still do, of course. They set some limits, which I didn't always agree with, but looking back now, I know they were doing the right thing...and were only looking out for my best interest.

My parents took a mild interest in my hobbies. They weren't always on the bandwagon, but they never stopped me from doing what I wanted to, so long as it wasn't hurting anybody.

My mom and I are particularly close...we're only 19 years apart, and it was just the two of us for 4 years. My stepdad aren't exactly close, but we have a good relationship, and he always treated me like I was his own child...and I respected him as if he were my real father.

Did anyone happen to catch the first Dr. Phil show this Monday? He talked about people who lose control of their tempers, and how it affects children.

So, he had this woman on who yells at her son all the time. One of the most hilarious parts was when he revealed that they had installed a hidden camera in the woman's car. So they played this tape of her and her son driving, and she's screaming at him the whole time. You don't do this, you don't do that, blah blah blah. They basically force her to watch it. Then she yells something like "Shut up, Vincent!" And they just fucking loop it over and over again. "Shut up, Vincent!" "Shut up, Vincent!" "Shut up, Vincent!" "Shut up, Vincent!" "Shut up, Vincent!" There's a bunch of tvs spaced all around the background, and the video pops up on an additional tv like every 2nd or 3rd loop.. so it just grows and grows and grows in tension. And then the camera like zooms in on the kid, and he's all freaking out and shit, has his hands over his face and stuff to try to block her out. This same phrase over and over. Hahahah.. she breaks down crying and starts blubbering, "Oh i'm so sorry".

Yeah, you better be sorry, bitch.


They also had a woman who got in a "altercation" with another woman who cut in front of her in line at the supermarket. She seemed quite proud of herself for standing up for her beliefs, but she also came off as rather unstable to me. Really, what the fuck is wrong with people? Getting in a fist fight with a stranger because they cut in front of you in line?? Just relax and take it easy.. life's to short to be pissed off all the time.

there are certain things i dont think should ever be said to a child. 'shut up' is one of them.

when james was ~4 months old, he was getting sick with ear infections quite a bit. my wife was back at work and he was sleeping during the day when he slept at all. we were up with him in shifts. by about the third night in a row, we were both at the end of our rope. it was my turn and james had cried inconsolably for 2 hours, and i, in delerium and frustration, told him to shut up. the moment the words left my mouth, exhaustion, delerium, frustration, all left me and i was left with an overwhelming sense of guilt over what i had said. i will never get over saying that.

i will never say 'bad boy' to my son. i say 'good boy' all the time, partly to positively reinforce good behaviour and partly because he is a good boy. il never call him a bad boy because thats just name-calling.

~james

Is it me, or does perth have his shit together?

I bet mini-perth grows up to be President or some shit like that.

i spend a lot of time thinking about how i want to raise my kid. my wife and i talk about it a lot. do i have my shit together? no, you should see how terrible i am with money. but thank you for saying so. and if he does turn out to be president, it will be despite me, not because of me. id rather he be a lawyer. :)

~james

There are few things you can do that are as important as how you raise a child. I'm sure that whatever you lack in other departments, you more than make up for it with your lucidity in the area of raising James. You've definitely earned my respect.

thank you. :)