well, hell. that was anticlimactic. all that build up " he's coming on tonight to defend himself, blah blah blah......."

christ, they were just jabbing at him, testing his chin, and he goes down like a sack of flour. That's like cracking the pinata on the first swing. It's like .....it's like.....like ......fuck!

Arsen, don;t listen to those mean boys. they didnt mean to hurt your feelings....come on back, there there.....

on the other hand.

I dont really think arsen cannot be trusted. You gotta judge by actions first. he never shagged eva. by the sounds of it, he was in love with the idea of being in love. the fantasy and escape of writing eloquent and clandestine letters to a virtual mistress. You must maintain your own borders even within a marriage. some things must remain private. I mean, I think we all agree that Stacey is nuts, right? or at least dangerously annoying.... I think I'd have burried her out back long ago. First of all, she snooped. then she snooped even harder...then she posted it on the internet for people she doesnt know to read. she bashes him, and argues with those who would defend him. she writes a vengeful song about him, and posts that too. then she talks this poor fuck into coming on to try to defend him self against the highly literate. Christ, english isn't even his first language. what a set up. Arsen, have you beaten her for this yet?

I think you should leave her. she's fucking crazy, dude. it's one thing when a smart woman is controlling. She probably will help her man in the long run. but when an insipid vaccuum like this tries to control your life, you gots some woes, bro. not all american women are like this. you'll find a normal one. just keep looking. and for god's sake , dont knock her up.

lumberjim, you are an asshole who has no empathy or understanding of affairs of the heart, pain and confusion resulting from broken trust...i am really sorry i ever pm'd you and asked for your advice. up until now, i tried to see things from everyone's point of view, including yours, but now, your ideas and opinions are meaningless to me. go fuck yourself with your wanna-be whale sized penis.

I'd still go with the therapist for the best support.

Well we still haven't seen StaceyV. Naked. And Arsen, dude...you're FOUR FUCKING DAYS LATE!! This is unacceptable, I spit on your thread!

You two are a hoot, good luck.

the thing is that i am really NOT an asshole. that's why what i said bothered you. i DO have compassion. I have ALL KINDS of empathy....for arsen. Sucks for you if the truth hurts. I tried to tell you early on that you were bringing this on yourself. I told you to stop trying to control him,to respect his privacy, and love him. You're behaving very badly, and will probably drive the poor guy away with this shit. would you stand for it? if you don't want people to be honest about how they feel about your dirty laundry, don't show it to them. moron

Hurrah! Could not have said it better myself! Too bad it's too long for a Cellar Tag Line.

I just read this thread through for the first time.
Syc, did you delete a post?? Something's missing.
Anyway, I think Arsen is one of those guys (and I think it's the majority) that can't maintain a friendship with a woman, without bringing a romantic angle into it. I'm your friend because I love you and you must be my friend because I love you. That makes starting a sucessful marriage like starting a cross country trip with no money. It can be done but it's so much harder.
I honestly think this marriage in beyond repair. Tony may be right and a therapist might be able to straighten it out but I seriously doubt it and I'm sure without it there is no hope.
Stacy, whatever you decide to do, DO NOT GET PREGNANT!


Never mind Syc, I found it in the other thread.

beating an ignored edge of the dead horse
 

Hmm.
I don't think that falling in love with Eva was done for StaceyV.

And I'd humbly suggest, after reading your post, that you may do better to get your head, heart, and life straight first - *then* start to focus on outside relationships.

I'm not doubting your love for Eva or for StaceyV.
I am, however, doubting your ability to be mentally and emotionally healthy for yourself, let aone for anyone else.

Wow. The cellar is starting to play out like a really bad soap-opera. :eek:

Anyhow. My take on the whole thing is that Arsen got married too young. Getting married at that age... you still hold onto a lot of youthful fantasies. It's hard to fully commit to another person when you're still learning who you are. I'm not saying that the relationship won't last... I'm just saying it will be harder.

And I don't think stacey is crazy, or a moron. She's just really emotional. It's a rough situation to be in... younger man... foreign born... knows he's bored... finds emails about a distant love... it's not a picture of the average relationship.

Of course I don't think she's handled this situation very well at all. I know why she came here... she wanted a range of neutral perspectives to help her make a decision. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and with most problems in life I'd agree. But considering the breadth of this one, the best thing would have been to not tell anyone, even your closest friends. Spend a few days thinking about how you feel about it, and if you still have problems then go talk to a shrink.

So what do you do now that the mess is already public? It's not going to get better. Arsen, don't try to justify your actions. Stacey, don't defend him, or yourself. Consider this whole discussion a sunk cost and just walk away. It was an entertaining display for all the cellar dwellars, but useful advice for your problem? Naw. Talk to the doc. Please.

Has anyone else noticed that it seems like Stacyv and Arsen vs. The Cellar now?

Clever move...clouding the issues by changing the focus. Classic.

Arsen, you can't be married to someone and in love with someone else. Won't work. I know. That (and the associated alcoholism from subconsciously trying to kill the turmoil in my head) was what ended my first marriage.

With the help of a good woman, a lack of booze, and quite a lot of psychotherapy for both of us, my second marriage is much more successful and fulfilling, and I'm not running around tearing myself up inside about a relationship that never was meant to be.

Focus on what you have, not what you "lost". I guarantee you that things will improve.

Hold the horse here.

I'm too lazy to wade through the current 7 pages of stuff in the the other thread (where the contents of this thread should have been posted), but didn't Stacey say that Arsen lost his virginity to this Eva chick?

IF that is true THEN one of the following must also be true:

(1) Stacey is lying to us on purpose. Arsen did not have sex with Eva and did not tell Stacey he did.
(2) Stacey is lying to us on accident. Arsen did not have sex with Eva but told Stacey he did. (see#4)
(3) Arsen is lying to us. Arsen fucked Eva and told Stacey he did, but lied to us.
(4) Arsen is lying to Stacey. Arsen fucked Eva and told Stacey he didn't.

Either way, it's not smelling right.





edit: Found it.
Page 1 And here is the reference, for those too lazy to click the link:
Found it again here
and the quote:

Now I'm feeling kind of dumb. I took one side of this argument, but it was because I hate cheating so badly. But there really is a control issue here too. Oh well. He's still an asshat. (edited out even more stuff that demonstrates my propensity to speak before I read :P)

Oops, I think I just read too quickly through arsens (difficult to read, poorly formatted) post. He was talking about the time he spent dating his girly in Russia, not time spent dating his bride to be. The comment I made in my earlier post was based on that misunderstanding.

I removed my comment from the above post. Sorry for the confusion! (Although they still did get married rather abruptly...)

I think it's best if I just shut the hell up for awhile. lol.
The dangers of clicking "reply" too quickly are many, as I demonstrate far too often.