I'm sorry Bri, that sounds awful. People can really suck sometimes.

I'm being a real whiner today.

Don't know what that's about.

I hate when I get like this...

Hit that motherfucker right back.

hard

why not, he'll forget in ten minutes.

Now is the hour of your revenge. You've waited a long long time for this day to come. carpe diem.

:) good one, jim.

Maybe it's part vaca let-down (you know - that feeling that you're in dead, dry, flat, brown OHIO instead of Magical Maine) AND being with my sister and folks for over an entire week with NO WAY OUT (exhausting!) And my older son living with me while he waits for his apt. in Columbus to become available...and that my dad is a motherfucker. :)

Like Madeline Kahn, I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.

Why in the hell is that man in your life? Bioligical connection does not trump assault.

really good question.

I feel a love and loyalty to my mom - though she never defended any of us from him- and she lives with him, cannot drive. If I want to see her I have to go to her place - but, in all honesty, I could pick her up and bring her to my house or go to a coffee shop. It's a misplaced sort of 'family binds' kind of thing. misplaced feelings. Never sorted or resolved in all this time. It's boring, even to me but sometimes he just really gets to me and today is one of those times.

Your alcoholism is due to trying to manage emotional reactions due to this kind of mental and physical abuse as a child.

- Loveline
- Work the program

Maybe so, maybe so. Ultimately it's up to me to not drink. Drinking was a way to deal, no doubt, then it turned on me; knowing I cannot handle alcohol, knowing I am alcoholic, I have a responsibility to NOT DRINK regardless of the reasons. Thanks for understanding, though. It's complicated. :)

I do try to work the program (with a sponsor and everything!) but CBT has been a lot more helpful in re-training my thoughts. Even so, his voice still gets stuck in my head now and then. Such a negative, nasty, hateful, sick and evil man.

He told me he was going to outlive me. He really plans on that. Nothing would please him more than to plant me in the ground. It's THAT much hate.
Ugh.

Bri ,
Walk away from him !!! You are Old enough to make choices in your life , make one , You DON'T Need that much Crasy , walk away , i did , from my sister , havent had ANY thing to do with her in YEARS !!!!
oh and the NEXT time he Hits you , STOMP HIS ASSS !!! He should be laying on the ground Nursing his nutz or bleeding with you screaming at him from above

Unfortunately, he had the advantage over you, because he got to you while your brain was still developing.

Tell us, just for understanding, did he face equal or worse abuse when he was young? How much of his hatred is self-hatred?

His family was poor during his childhood (in the '30's....whose family wasn't poor?) but they were the same as everyone else around them, money-wise. They were loved and healthy. The most telling thing is that his brothers and sisters are NOT like him (he's the oldest of five kids) they are, actually, a nice bunch. They love to laugh and get together. They all live close to one another - he's the only one who moved away.

His mother was definitely a "strong" woman and was boss of the house. His sisters are strong women, too. He married a helpless cheerleader who couldn't find her way out of a paper bag with both hands.

The only thing that may have been a problem was his dad would drink IF he had the money to do it, which wasn't often, and was out of work a lot, but so were a lot of people. His dad used to have to ask his mom "for an old dollar" to go to the bar. She held the purse strings and ran the household. She could be tough. And she was really smart. A smart, tough lady with five kids and an iff-y husband. That's his story. His dad keeled over in our bathroom when he was 55 - he smoked Camels (unfiltered) till the day he died. His mom lived to be 95.

Alcoholism is hereditary so unfortunately there's another root you have to deal with.

I brotherly/sisterly love you Bri and everything I say here is out of caring about you.

How much did dad drink when you were a youth?

My dad will drink a beer maybe two, three times a year. ONE BEER.

He says his own dad was NOT an alcoholic but my mother says that Grandpa would drink the entire bottle of whiskey in one setting if he had it. The impediment to his alcoholism was lack of funds, apparently.

I know your questions are out of caring. I appreciate it. I appreciate trying to understand and trying to be understood.

My mom's mother was a morphine addict. Yeah, it runs pretty deep both ways. :)

Yeeah... during my mom's heart recovery, she told me some of the deep family stories which indicated what a compleat and total bitch her mom was. Amazing to hear and realize that these people weren't the gramma-grampa saints I ever thought they were.

I'm going with Jim.

First, hit him back, but follow it up with a quick visit to an old people's home. Like the one on 'The Simpsons'.

I know I'm not help. I wouldn't still be putting up with that. My Dad never hit me, but there was a time in our lives where our relationship became untenable and I walked away from it for almost 3 years. Things are good now, but sometimes you do just have to walk.

So,...um... how hard did he hit you? was it just a swat? or did he hurt you?

irrelevant. One person's swat is another's broken arm.

Exactly what mon said , Bri was driving the family at high way speeds ,
Dip shit could have killed them all ,
He needs a Reality check , Upside his Head !!!

First song is great, but start at 2:40 for your song, Brianna

thanks for the song, footfootfoot. My father's apology was somewhat less heart-felt.

the next day he said, "We got off to a rough start," and that was it! The "apology"

and jimhelm - he didn't hurt me; he was in the back seat and he sort of karate-chopped me where my neck and shoulder meet. It's just, as zippy said, I was driving 75 mph on a turnpike and it was a pretty unexpected karate-chop. I could've wrecked the car. He's such a tool.

I'm better today. No more whining! Not today anyway.

Duck Tape

I'm with Jim & Zip... Drop his ass harrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd!

ok, this is just a big bitch from me, so please feel free to ignore it because there's really no advice I need. I just want to smack some bitches in the face.

One of the local ladies here had her birthday on Wednesday, and I was going to arrange a facial for her for her birthday (now I'd like to give her something less pleasant than the original facial of course) because I don't really go in for the group gift thing that the other ladies were planning. Along with that, there was meant to be a dinner at the local pub on Sat night to celebrate which I wasn't keen on going to, mostly because the kids have footy in the arvo and I'm going to be tired, so I asked her last week if she'd like to have lunch today (friday) instead. She said she was busy today, so I figured I'd just make an appearance on Sat night and come home early. In the mean time, I've been trying to get her to commit to a time to come over on Sunday for her facial (she'd better not show up now) but she's been worried about being hung over blah blah.

In the mean time, I was talking to another mutual friend yesterday and suggested we have lunch and a catch up today since I had the day free, and she's not going to be there on Sat night either. She said she was too busy today so that was fine. I just hung around home and it was probably better anyway.

So, I'm sitting in the car checking facebook whilst waiting for Mav from school, and there's a lovely status from one to the other thanking them for the lovely lunch.

Fuck them bitches!

Facial is off and so is anything else they have in mind. They're going on a cruise in a month or so with a group of locals. I hope the fucking boat sinks.

Anyway, I sent a text to the one I'm closest to saying how she could have just said she was having lunch with the other rather than just saying she was busy, and she told me to 'grow up'. I wonder if she's forgotten I'm the one who's taking her son to footy and home again tomorrow cause she's going away with her b/f for the weekend.

Dumb fucking cunts. They can all kiss my fucking arse.

I prefer to spank their derrieres myself.
Now you're talkin'!
The best kind.
Pics please!

Keep the information coming: you can always seek asylum in Ecuador.

Here we go! driving maniacs to pennsylvania! spending weekend with said maniacs! Good thing I've got 15mg of Enya and a WHOLE boatload of people sending me good vibes. If there's a shooting in a park in western PA it's probably my family that's involved.

wish me luck.

Good luck Bri, good aim x

Oh Ali, do grow up.
So that when you kick those bitches in the cunt you can do more damage.

Hang in there Bri!! And remember the Duck Tape ... comes in handy in all sorts of situations ...

Hitting the road myself in one hour. So long, beautiful Maine. Hello, RT 95 gridlock.

Wow Ali, they sound like they need to grow up themselves. They can't be honest with you that they have plans to have lunch with each other? Plus, I don't see why you couldn't be invited along. That hurts.

Are you still with us, Bri? Or is the drive home today? Remember the Duck Tape ... and there's always the car roof ;)

Made it home in record time! four hours from New Wilmington PA to Dayton!

Soooooooooooooo glad to be back home but was good to see cousins I hadn't seen in over 20 years.

Imma just gonna relax now. Way. Too. Much. Family.

Need. Space.

I'm over it now mtp. :) I'm just peripheral to these ladies after all, and that's ok. I have a number of very lovely friends who wouldn't do stuff like that. I actually don't think they meant to exclude me, but the fact that they both so easily forgot that I'd asked them to have lunch with me the same day just demonstrates where I rate on the scale of how much they enjoy spending time with me.

No harm done. :) I had my bitch about it thanks to you guys. hehehe Time to move on.

Glad you got home safe Bri. Time for a nice cup of tea. :)

Diz has cat flu.
New vet diagnosed him as a carrier, meaning he will have it on and off his whole life. Makes sense, although it's taken this long to have it diagnosed. I've twice had him treated for eye infections with no follow-up.

Also he has a heart murmer. Symptoms also make sense.

Gotta be Mean Person again forever now and not listen to unhelpful people telling me he has lost too much weight (same people eager to tell me he put on too much).
Saying that, I always knew he'd put on weight and that he has again, so that side of the equation I can only blame on myself. And listening to them about his weight loss, I knew I was feeding him within official guidelines, so I shouldn't have relaxed. The fact he went on a scavenging fury was just Diz-scoffery, not starvation.

He has antiobiotics. And it only cost me £50 (OMG!) Thank goodness the 'rents were kind enough to cover it - to be paid back of course. It's worth 4x in peace of mind. The Mia-cat had a weepy eye for a few weeks and it ended up being some sort of seed-husk in her eye which had already scratched her cornea and could have ended in blindness. But she's more skittish than Diz, who makes sure I have a full view of his peepers multiple times a day, so I only self-treated for a few days before realising it wasn't just a passing blip.

Boy-chick does NOT like the eye-gel. Vet warned it passed quickly from eye to nose to mouth. BITTER! Diz would say if he could, it's written in every line of his reaction. Pawing his eyes and nose in turn, licking his nose and then slapping his chops like a teen with gum.

Sorry Babba, not ready for you to cark it yet.

Oh Sundae, that's tough! Gotta be cruel to be kind. Big hugs to you and DizCat!


Sent by thought transference

nasty laundry and personal odors

Sundae, would it be possible to give Diz some nice tasting treat afterwards to fight the bitterness? Maybe an anchovy, a cornflake with vegemite on it, or a shot of drambuie.

I'm trying to keep his weight down. He gets cuddles and strokes to deal with it.
Although this morning my Mum was in the living room and he bolted straight into her arms. Ungrateful tinker.

I do it in the living room as my bedroom is his bedroom too, and I don't want him to lose his "bolt-hole" or associate it with nastiness.

Only two more days now.
And he is so much better.

Oh and I'd give myself the eyedrops if a shot of Drambuie was involved.
'Cepting I've only ever had it in liqueur chocolates!

Dad is 83. He's an ex-engineer and, as those of you who know me, a prick who hates my guts and HAS hated my guts since I drew breath lo those many years ago.

Now he is getting paranoid along with his violence. I took my goldfish mother to a new (and better) doc on tuesday. Since dad took her credit cards/check book (control issues plus she DOES forget) she had no money for the 20.00 copay.. I didn't have 20 on me either. I took her to the credit union, took out forty bux, gave the doc 20 and gave my mom 20 for walking around money.

I tell my dad this when I get mom back from doc. Oh, by the way, dad, we took out forty dollars from checking for co pay and so mom could have a little money on her. Okay, he says.

Next day, I take her to get blood draw. I pick her up and drop her off at her house. Dad comes up to me as I'm leaving. Says, in his best Darth Vadar voice,
SOMEBODY TOOK FORTY DOLLARS OUT OF MY CHECKING YESTERDAY!!! Menacing Man.

I said, yeah, I told you. Twenty for the copay and twenty so mom wouldn't be completely without money. He says I never told him. He accused me of stealing it.

I told him "There is nothing between us. We are done. You can hire someone to look after you two. I will never step foot on your property again."

He says that's' fine with him.

this may sound harsh but more things were said and insinuated than I care to go in to.
Bon chance, motherfkkers. He had a PERFECT set up. I am an RN who was completely at their disposal, I had case managed 3500 people in a steel mill and I know my shit. When they tried to cancel my mom's MRI I got it done THAT DAY.

But, as they say in the funny papers, that's all folks. I'm done.

addendum: I have called a lawyer to see if we can compel him to take a neurological exam as he feels he is perfectly ok and he clearly is NOT.

He drove down the middle of the road OVER A HILL and did 60 mph in the hammer down lane and was nearly run off the highway by an irate driver who then honked and flipped him off. He also weaves as he drives and goes thru red lights or stops at green lights. but he says, "I'd put my driving record up against yours any day!" well, he's got me there. I DO have a 'failure to control' on my record. He thinks he's fine. He's NOT. He's a menace and will kill someone.. I don't care if he kills himself driving but I DO care if he kills someone else.

I'm so mad I could spit. He always has been an abusive nightmare and now he is worse.

I'm sorry, Brianna.

You need to take care of yourself. If he treats you like shit, it's for the best that you cut him out of your life.

thanks, glatt.

Cut him out: this is done.

Today.

That is really a drag and a bad combo. There must be some agency that can take away his driving privileges or something.

It's hard to stay away from the parents but sometimes it's what you have to do.

where is the like button for this post?

I think all seniors should have to retake their driving test at 65, 70, 75, and every two years after that. So sayeth Queen Clodfobble.

all hail the Queen!

Lady Ortho agrees. And, Bri - call his PCP and tell them your concerns, ask them to get him in for something or other - they can cobble up a reason to ask him to come in. Then they can give him a mental status exam, book him some tests, and ... send in a form to the state Dept of Transportation outlining the problems. The state will then pull his license. At least, that's how it's supposed to work.

Sorry this is happening. It sounds like your father has serious medical issues going on, BUT those don't excuse or explain his treatment of you all these years. Going no contact is sometimes the only way to deal. Glad you're taking steps to protect yourself.

Intercepting that license renewal might be the way. Not that I'm all about committing Federal offenses.

Yeah Bri, breaking off all contact is seriously hard no matter how important it is to do. You mind fuck yourself worse than anyone else could do, no shit, but be strong. Good luck on this.

I'm so sorry to hear how your dad treats you. It's sad when a parent treats his/her child badly.

be strong or get some pepper spray , or both

That sux Bri , can you call social services?

I think there should be an anti-social services

anti-social services - good one!

In Ohio NO ONE can take away your drivers license for any reason other than DUI, vehicular homicide or non-payment of child support. You can be a 102 year old schizophrenic and still drive in Ohio. His PCP is a quack - that's why he goes to him. (Example of his quackery: he treated my dad for blood in his urine for a full YEAR before investigating the cause. Turns out - he had bladder cancer and lost his bladder. Recently dad told me he had blood in his collection bag -one he wears at night- and said PCP put him on macrobid. NO FOLLOW UP. I called and requested a U/A post macrobid treatment and was told, "Oh, yeah, I guess that is a good idea. Better safe than sorry!" guess what? His "infection" was NOT clear and NOW he's on Cipro with a follow up in OCTOBER. All three of us - his daughters- have told him this guy is a quack but he goes to him b/c this PCP will NEVER tell him not to drive, not to go on to roof tops with a running chainsaw or similar) We are calling a lawyer to have him compelled to take a neuro test - if he doesn't take it then the judge can handle it from there.

My older sis went to talk with him yesterday. He admitted that I "rub him the wrong way" and he doesn't like me when she pointed out that he treats me very differently than her or my little sister. He just doesn't LIKE ME. He roots for my downfall, he likes people who abuse me (like my weird neighbor - he can't be nice enough to her- falls all over himself to be cordial to her when he knows I hate her) he plans - and told me - that he will outlive me and I "disgust" him with my alcoholism. (A malady his own father had).

I am feeling both numb and sad and mad at this confirmation of information.

He plans to drive himself to PA for a reunion of his and I PRAY TO THE FSM THAT HE ONLY KILL HIMSELF WHEN HE CRASHES THE CAR.

Maybe your Dad's doc doesn't like him much and is trying to kill him off for you?

Imma gonna psychically kill him off tonight - it's a blue moon in Pisces! My magic will work or I'm a muggle!

Totally sucks, Brianna. I'm sorry you have such a crap situation.

Your fears are well grounded.

There's an impromptu drinks night tonite for work.

I really, really want to go...because the new big boss has tickled my fancy, I like my fellow workers...and because I need a night out...but - I have to work aaaaalllll day tomorrow (11 hours on Sunday) and I have to be pleasant and not hungover to do my job...plus I dont want to *waste* a babysitting night when I can only go out for a few hours and will have to drive home.

:::sigh:::

oh that sucks

we really do need a sarcasm font