What glatt said. When you threaten to quit and they don't hand you your hat and coat, they don't want you to quit, which means leverage. Make the most of it to create an environment you can work in. Good luck!

I don't want leverage. That means that I have or they have an upper hand. I want TEAMWORK. Too much to ask?

You have the leverage to ask for teamwork.

Gratitude is noble but can't come before your health, physical or mental. Take care of yourself. :chill:

SMRT. Good luck man.

What Glatt said, what Ali said!


Sent by thought transference

That really sucks pi! What happened to people that respect someone that is helping them? :eyebrow:

There's no I in team and
There's no U in their team.

true that foot. and guess what? why should i be surprised that there is a fb troll on my account? i'm home now for the rest of the week. meeting this morning was nothing short of a disaster for me. i allowed the tables to be turned. please, anyone on my fb here understand that i will not be posting there for some time to come. unless it's an overly funny joke. i can't resist those. :) ty and carry on :)

oh, and foot? there is an I in team. it's in the A hole lol.

One of my favorites! I had that posted on my last construction gig.

Driving Licence renewal.
 

Every ten years UK Driving Licences have to be renewed with an updated photo.

Cost of photo to required spec: £6.99. They come in sheets of six and, of course, I only needed one.

Cost of renewal: £20.00

Postage: £0.62

Total: £27.61 or $46.84.

Rearrange these words into a well known phrase or saying: Off, Rip.

One is not a happy Englishman.

OK ladies, first come first serve, but remember Carruthers only has 5 extra photos...





autographs and postage extra

Even by the usual standards of driving licence or passport photos, it was a real horror. No, I mean a REAL horror.

The remaining prints are under lock and key.

I'm warming up the shredder.:thepain:

Thats nothing. In Aus, you renew every 5 years and it costs almost $200. Stay in the UK. Haha

Had to look that up. It's about £110!

Our impost would appear to be something of a bargain in comparison.

I just renewed my C.C. permit and hey say sit there, pointing at a chair, grab your picture with a webcam type thingy, and you don't see it until you get the laminated card a couple weeks later.

In fairness though, when they do the driver's license pictures they attempt to show me on the monitor and ask if it's OK. I tell them I don't care because I don't give a shit if the cop thinks I'm attractive.
I'm not blowing him to avoid a ticket... but I don't tell them that. :lol:

Then, exactly, WHY are you blowing him?:p:

No reason for "they" to know, what arrangement two consenting adults, "him" and myself, have agreed to... like he's got to take me in his cruiser while I work the siren... or something. :p:

A new euphemism - "blowing the siren"...........

Apparently i am abusive and some other bad things for blowing off steam here and saying i should have married a tradesman.

In the spirit of posting on the internet to people neither of us will probably ever meet, i am sorry. I shouldnt make jokes about the things that frustrate me, even if it is annonymously.

What i am most upset about is that the one place i had to go to vent has been taken from me. Maybe people shouldnt spy on others.

I suppose i will have to censor my thoughts here too.

I hate my life. I wish i were dead.

At the risk of tromping in where I shouldn't:

So, he saw what you'd written and all he saw was the insult to him, not the fact that his wife is clearly very unhappy. Great priorities.

This too will pass, hon.

You
are
a
good
person.

What you might or migt not say here is shooting the breeze.
Fishing talk.

shine on Aliantha

What they said. Big hugs to you, Ali! XXX

I'm sorry, Ali. I wish it could have been an opportunity to open conversation, rather than another fight. Just remember that even when all else has gone to shit, Max and Eva love you, and need you, and need you to not be dead.

Lord no, then she might become cupcake queen, successful, wealthy and independent... worse, a threat to the status quo. :unsure:

Ali you know in your heart dead is not going to be as much fun as alive. This will pass I promise. When your business gets going you will be busy and happy. {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

Thanks everyone. I will be fine.

Today I am mostly just angry. I gave up so much for my husband. Even my mental health. It's time to take it all back, starting today. No one else is going to be in charge of my life but me. I will not sit around idly hoping he doesn't leave me because I am such a bad person. That's only his perspective, which imo is warped to begin with.

Anyway, it's time to take back control of my life. Starting today.

I will not be caught unprepared for anything.

You mean like if he wants to take you to a deep lake or fast moving river, let's say for a day of fishing; but, doesn't bring a fishing rod for you :eek: ... you'll bring your own, right?

haha...I will be prepared for anything. Even that. I could even get my own bait!

Not to get all grammar nazi on you, Ali, but you spelled 'he' wrong.
;)

Well we may have some problems, but i dont want him dead. Haha

On the bright side, he apologised unreservedly yesterday and took himself to the doctor to sort out some counselling.

I hope it helps.

Oh that's really good. Hope things start to settle down for you guys :)

Thanks Dana. Me too. I am exhausted.

That's a big step. I hope it goes well for you both.

That surprises me. Good for him, and I hope it does him and you and your marriage a world of help.

Good luck to the both of you x


Sent by thought transference

Thanks. It's been too long coming. I have been asking him to do this for 10 years now. Pretty much since we first met and he started telling me about his life.

A lot of damage has been done. Honestly, I'm not sure if I will be able to look at him the same way again. I feel very dead in my heart about my marriage at the moment.

For now I am just focussing on the kids and my work and waiting to see if there are any noticeable changes. I know he's trying to fix the damage he has done, but there's a part of my heart that's telling me it's too little too late.

Time will tell. Maybe we will fall in love again. We can only hope.

The change will be so welcome it will rekindle your fires. optimistic romantic:thumb:

Maybe, like in my marriage, time will pass and so will your memory. At least until the next time.

Maybe it's just disappointment. Honestly, I know he's not a bad person. He just has a lot of shit that needs dealing with, but I can't even bring myself to care about that compassionately at the moment. I've lost my immediate need to be angry now at least. Usually I can put myself in other people's shoes pretty easily, and that helps me deal with negative emotions better. At the moment, they just don't fit, or I can't be bothered even trying. Not exactly sure really. That's what I mean about feeling dead in my heart. I don't even think I'd care if he came home and said he was leaving. I'd just get on with it. Maybe that's not how I really feel, but it's what my conscious mind is telling right now.

That's what's been going on for a few years now Pico. It was just the most recent blow up felt like it really sucked the last vestiges of love out of me. You know when you get to that stage where you just feel like enough is enough and you're not willing to compromise even a little bit anymore? That's how I feel at the moment. I feel like I am just going to live my life, and if he can't fit into it on my terms, then that's his problem to deal with and I don't care anymore. I hope these feelings change for me. It's not a nice feeling.

I hope his counselor is smart and experienced and helps him see clearly. And I hope you get past the exhausted feeling and have some joy and excitement in your success with your new business, and that that will bring good things into the rest of your life.

I'm sorry if any of my comments have caused problems. You are a very important person to so many of us. I will never forget what you did for me. Hang in there

Thanks Ortho. :)

I wouldn't think so Sarge. You're only ever lovely. :)

The thing that actually caused the blow up was the comment I made about how I should have married a tradesman, and then suggested I should have an affair with one instead.

I wondered why he had all of a sudden started mowing the grass etc, but why he seemed to be doing it, not because it's the right thing, but because he expected me to say something about it. Turns out he's been reading my posts here lately and saw some offhand comments he didn't like, so instead of talking to me about it, he stewed on it for weeks until it all came out in a vitriolic attack, full of accusations that anyone in their right mind knew couldn't be true. So, I will try not to say dumb stuff anymore, but that probably wont work, because that's who I am. I make jokes about things that bother me. A joke is a joke though. He for some reason felt it would affect his professional reputation. That's what he said anyway. I explained to him that if I'm posting anonymously, then how can that possibly be true. I explained to him about how I vent with you people because you are all so far away, have no real life ties to either of us other than those we generate through the mail from time to time, so really, it's the perfect place. I explained to him how you people are for the most part, educated, sensible, witty people who I enjoy interacting with on a fairly regular basis. Then I asked if he wanted to take that away from me too.

Why am I saying all this? I don't know. Still trying to process it I think. Maybe I will get some counselling too. It is probably unreasonable to expect you guys to fix this problem for me, and unlikely that I'll be able to do it myself. Anyway, I just want you all to know that none of you have ever said or done anything inappropriate. Even when a few of you have made a few lewd comments from time to time, I have always known they were just for fun. I have never read anything more than friendship into any of my relationships here.

You people are important to me. None of you need to change anything about how you interact with me. I'll have to come over there and kick your arses if you do. :)

If you'll make it a spanking, I'll start being nice to you.

harsh lessons for teenagers. No matter how hard you work and how skilled you are, athletes whose families have money can somehow almost always find a way to triumph :(

That lesson plays out in so many arenas that teenagers would be best advised to just learn it.One of the best arguments for junior athletics.

Yeah, I have seen the same thing happen with musicians, actors, artists and even academics. Almost every area. One of the most prominent of course is politics. If you can't raise the funds to get your word out there, no one knows to vote for you.

Anyway, it's a tough lesson, but a good one to learn. Always heartbreaking for the parent to watch though. :(

I think it's human nature to rant/rave/joke about dumb shit, just blowing off steam. Whereas things that are really serious get mentioned in passing, but we tend to play those close to the vest.

England lost.
Not a great surprise, but as before they got my hopes up when Rooney equalised.
So not a big upset.

But I'd just read about the Red Wedding. AND found out who the spy in Daenrys's camp is.
The dirty, dirty bastards.

Seriously, how much is a woman supposed to be able to deal with in a single day?

And did you talk to him about wishing you had a manlier man? Or did you just 'vent' that to us? We, who are not real?

I told you that what you said sounded cunty. I had no idea. I really think you should check yourself.

Usually, when a friend is telling you about the predicament they are in, or what a cocksucker their spouse is, you automatically relate to the person giving you their side of the story. I gotta tell you. I feel bad for Dazza. Fucking guy reads what you wrote and somehow decides that He? Needs therapy? Jesus Harold Christ.

Is there any facet of your relationship problems that are caused by things that YOU should do differently? Any changes in the way the relationship should be that need to take place in your camp?

At all?

Doesn't that word, 'should' just fuck everything up? He should be more handy. He should make more money. He should be more attentive.

Cry me a fucking river, sweetheart.

Whooooo.... I may be projecting a little here.... Well, anyway.

Fix your gaze on his values, not his shortcomings. He's not superman. And he's put up with your fucking ass for how long? Give the man some credit.

Go buy that book I told you about, sit the fuck down at some point in your... oh so hectic... unemployed fucking day, with a pencil and a notebook, and do the work.

Not even kidding, Ali. I may be anonymous, I may be a cyber buddy.... But that may just mean that I'm the only one with balls enough to tell you what a child you're being. Probably because, while I love you, I don't really like you much.... It's kind of similar to family ties. Anyway.... You go to that counselor with him. And when he or she lays most on this at your feet, be WOMAN enough to own it.

And you wish you were dead?

REALLY???

it's not OK to use that after the age of 12.

This is you at your absolute worst.

Get your shit together immediately!

The Four Horsemen: Recognizing Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling

(the four horsemen are four communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship)

I like that article. Thanks, Toad.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using Tapatalk

My ex had contempt for me and I sort of bought into it and it was horrible.

That's how abusers do it. Make the victim have contempt for themselves, then whatever horrid thing happens next (violence, for example) is only what they deserve ...

Wow, LJ, so because you really don't like Ali much, you allowed yourself to respond to her in a real dickish way?.

Ali, he does, however, have some really good points. But mostly, I think you are responding out of a depressive state that is totally counter-productive. I don't fault you for saying you wish you were dead, because, really, all you are saying is that you wish things would change.

Now that you have acknowledged that, start working on it and keep working on it. :)

Good Luck, Ali.

I don't know that I would necessarily connect those two particular dots. I responded in a dickish way because all the mollycoddling and sympathizing just seems to be making her whine more about her rotten life. Seems from here that she's got too much time on her hands to dwell on every little non perfect aspect of her daily. from the boys not helping her with the household chores, to a general malaise of her lot, to her husband not being ideal. I've tried offering suggestions.. you've all tried identifying and commiserating... That's just feeding the vacuum, it seems.

It's hard to get perspective sometimes. Whether you're being manipulated by an abuser, or doing the abusing yourself... if you're whining... and that whining is reaffirmed by people that are getting half the story.... then you're going to feel justified in your reactions. But maybe if someone shakes you up a bit and you stop and look at how cunty you're being.... maybe you can save your marriage.

but then, maybe you just want out. like many women your age... your clock is ticking, and you start looking at the other side of the pasture with all that green grass.
Sorry, if I've come off dickish, but I'm clearly identifying with Dazza here. I think maybe I should STFU at this point. eh?