Sorry, Nirvana. :(

I'm sorry Nirvana.

Sorry, Nirvana. :(

I'm sorry Nirvana.

Thankyou

Missing Trilby, today.

And in a different way, missing ZenGum, too.

I miss Zen too. He was the only other regular aussie poster, and i dont even call myself regular anymore. :/

"Saw" her in (one of the) poetry threads today. Hit me really hard.
Had a cry.

Not to say I don't miss Zen.
But my alcohol counsellor doesn't know anything about him, unlike Bri.

I am sure the spirit of Trilby will linger here eternally. She is at peace. Remember that when the sadness takes you. Xxx

Yesterday I made a number of simple calculation errors (boss thinks I'm an idiot) and had a series of muscle spasms. It turns out I had a blood sugar in the range of 30-50 mg/dl. I don't know why this happened or how my doctor was out today and had to see a PA. Now I'm supposed to take a bunch of supplements that MIGHT help, we don't know. But if this muscle spasm issue continues I'm going to have to change fields. At least it probably isn't MS.

Fuckety fuck fuck.
Dads is at the JR today. The hospital that told him he didn't have Alzheimers or epilepsy or the other things I can't remember he was diagnosed with.

Oops! Their bad!

They've changed their minds as the massive doses of steroids haven't done anything other than make him more unstable and more confused.
Yes it is dementia.
Yes the diagnosis of encephalitis still stands.
But now we're adding Parkinson's to the list.
It's a right old party in Dad's body.

Nice to know that when someone is shaking themself apart they still have to endure the stress of a 1.5 hour bus journey...

Sundae, I am so sorry. Parkinson's is notoriously hard to diagnose, even though it seems to have a couple of glaringly obvious symptoms ... My mum had it. Correctly identified and treated may symptoms subside, for a while at least. Hugs to you and your family x

I'm sorrry, Sundae.

:(

Today:

Mom is in the hospital. How long? Who knows? Is she just worn out from chemo and radiation? Who knows? Is she going to get better? Probably not. Do any of the 284 parts of the medical community who are treating her have any idea what anyone else is doing? Seems not.

I'm sick as fuck from Effexor withdrawal, having failed to come up with 400 bucks (thought it might come from my ass, but nothing but the shits.)

I walk like a drunk. I have the 'wooWOOwooWoo" feeling I always associated with some cartoon dog coming off an LSD trip. I shouldn't be driving, but what are you gonna do? But trying to act normal because no one gives a flying shit about that (nor should they) in the face of what we're dealing with with mom.

I'm angry and sick. No way to deal with what is going on, for sure.

And the mouth breather next to me here at the library obviously doesn't understand what "TYPING" is and the sounds that emanate from a KEYBOARD when someone knows how to do something besides feed their fucking cow in FarmFuckLand.

Have I whined enough? Good. Thanks for listening.

But I just can't tell you how much it means to me that my friends here care. Really. Oh thank you.

Now you can get back to crying for the usual suspects. I'll be fine. Really.

I hope things get better for you, Shawnee. Sorry they are bad now.

Oh, they will get better. There ain't nothing to it.

But I do thank you glatt for being you. You're the best person here, imho.

Infi - I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Effexor withdrawal is certainly teh suxxor. How dreadful to have to suffer that at a time like this. Hugs xxx

thanks limey.

I'm sorry I'm so angry. Effexor withdrawal is really awful. I thoguht I coudl do it, stay home and get through it somehow. But I can't stay home because I need to be helping.

So I'm sorry folks, I'm a total mess; suddenly I'm the 'strong one' who would've thunk and I am barely capable of taking mcare of me. And I am truly in a bad bad spot. I wouldn't wish thsi on anyone. :(

I hope you can find some support (and hugs) locally, infi. x

God, Inf. Sounds like a nightmare. Wish there was something I could do to help/ Alls I got is a virtual hug *hug*.

HUG!!!

Your poor dad, Sundae. :(

Many hugs for you, infi. I'm sorry you're going through so much simultaneously.

@ Sundae: sorry, honey hadn't seen your posting about your dad til now. What a bastard having that journey either side of the hospital.

Hopefully now they've got a firm(er) diagnosis they'll be able to get him on better meds and you'll see an improvement.

*hugs*

(Carrot was going to give you a nibbly kiss, but he saw Diz and got distracted :p)

@Sundae ... I'm sorry to hear about how things have gone with your Dad. Steroids won't help any of that ... and Parkinson's can be very difficult to pin down. I'm just sorry you and he and your Mum have to endure all the bus trips and runaround, and sorry that things are going poorly. Hugs.

@Infi ... I'm very sorry to hear that your mother isn't doing well, and you're enduring Effexor withdrawal ... not to be wished on anyone. I don't have access to personal Internet time during the day, so I'm sorry to be late with this ... but do wish you better things on all fronts. Hugs.

Both the families that we dog-sit for have lost their dogs. We have no more foster dogs. It makes me sad.

Hugs and prayers to everybody.

I was gonna vent, but my problems ain't shit.
My best to you all.

Sundae, so sorry about ur dad. Whats the plan now?

Im, i dont know.what effexor does, but why are you off it? Is it just a finance thing? If so, maybe this community can help? I would if i knew where to send it. I could western union some dosh if you need it.

thanks peeps.

I'm feeling better so far this morning. hope it continues. Horror stories on the interwebz indicate i have a long road...but everyone is different.

Ali, it's an SSRI...has been extremely effective for me for years. When i had my 19th Nervous Breakdown in the spring, they upped my dosage one again. i'm on almost the highest dosage prescribed. I've always known that just missing one day can make me sick. I'm cold turkey now yes, because of losing my job and subsequntly my insurance and it's very expensive. But i should have some money coming soon, and i will then decide if I'm through the woods (I hope) or if i will just go back on the damn stuff and taper off with doc's care.

I really reaaly appreciate the kind offer of moola but i really really don't want anyone doing that and i would not feel right accepting it. I am indebted to many, and indebted in many ways ('good' debt and bad) and i couldn't bear accepting that sort of help. But it's very kind of you to offer.

Mom is home again. I haven't checked in yet this morning. Perhaps this is a bad time to be enduring withdrawal but I'm playing this one day at a time.

Again, thanks everyone. I was a ball of hysteria yesterday. Just google 'effexor withdrawal" and you'll get a ore complete picture of how insidious this is. The extremely short half life is partly to blame...and other SSRIs do not 'replace' to help because the withdrawal has very little to do with the seratonin issue.

I mean, what about when the apocalypse comes? I'm supposed to fight zombies in this state? i can't just 'assume' the zombies won't loot all the drugstore, and my energied would better be used for combat and hiding and the like...not trying to find the nearest CVS. My druthers are to quit it for good. If my depression kixks my ass again there may be newer treatments i haven't yet tried.

Sorry Infi, just come across your family woes and withdrawal issues.
Yours is heavier shit than mine.

I wish everything good for your Mum. And glad to hear she's home
And goodness, even more good for you.
It must feel fucking hard right now.
But you are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for and you are a fighter. I hope it's not too terrifying; I found just changing medication like being on a deckchair on the Titanic.
Keep breathing.

Thanks for the kind words people.
I have detox to look forward to (as of Friday) but at least Dad only has outpatient appointments at present.
Though as I said the journeys are really getting them down.
We're leaving much of our thinking until the 'rents come back from holiday.
It's hard, because Mum gets so angry with Dad.
And I side with him because she can be so vicious. But he loves her. And she does love him.
It's her learned reaction to attack when she is upset/ frustrated/ out of her depth/ under stress. So it's a sign that she's probably suffering more than he is.
My learned response is to feel sick at confrontation and to hide away...

Anyway. My detox is all about me, but my parents' health is not.
I think I've finally come up against something that lottery-dreaming can't fix.

fucking fuckety fuck IM. Do your best.

If things get ridiculous go to the E.R. Tell them you can't pay a dime.

IM, the offer is there if you need it. Despite what you may think, i am a compassionate person and dont like to see others suffer.

Sundae: my situation is no 'better' or 'worse' than yours. We all go through different crap. In fact, we are both worried about our own health while worrying about loved ones' health. It freaking sucks, I know.

I know I can't help unless I feel better.

Soooo...I did finally get my retirement money. This doesn't mean I'm retired, of course, just that I can get my affairs in order and start back at Square One. I'm really good at Square One. I do my best work in Square One. But I don't think I'll do much with Square One until I get back on the med and THEN get with my doctor and come up with a taper off plan. I seem to feel better in the mornings and it gets worse as the day goes on. I'll think I feel pretty content one minute and the next I'm bawling my eyes out. A good indicator: I was happy coming into the library then saw some of the townswomen, all glorious in scarves and jewelry and the ever-important cell phone to their ear, who can't even find their way around this LIBRARY which is a freaking work of art in itself and I mumbled "what is it, pretentious snot bitch day at the library?"

Yeah, that's not nice.

I'll have access to more of the money tomorrow, but I want to get my script broken into one month instead of 3, paying ~400 as opposed to ~1100, then go to lower doses which will also lower the cost. I want off this stuff. I can't believe there isn't much more than the thousands of online forum postings in the way of warning of the severe withdrawal. No, this ain't like stopping prozac or paxil or any of the other freaking SSRIs I've tried over the years. This is potential suicide-inducing, with the very extreme mood swings and the physical impairments. I'm a bit angry with the doctors. Maybe it's my mission to get this information out there. I could be like one of those cool people you read about in Reader's Digest: How I Bucked Big Pharm Before it Bucked Anyone Else.

Ali, I know you're compassionate. We may not have always seen eye to eye but I know you do reach out to people. I don't know if you meant the universal 'you' or if you meant 'me' but believe me your offer touched me. And I appreciate that about you.

And, thanks everyone. Just venting did a world of good, for one thing giving me a reminder of just how bad I can get in this state.

I'm glad you got some money and are going to get the meds you need. I hope you feel better soon.

Infi and Sundae - one day at a time. You're both far stronger that you give yourselves credit for.
You are each an inspiration for others in a tight fix, as to how to just knuckle down and chip away, minute by minute if necessary and drawing on all the resources at your disposal - not least venting to your pals here.
Attagurlz! xx

You're so kind. Thanks. *hug**

Sundae, we shall heed the word of Limey because as you know (much better than I, even) she is one of the good ones on earth. :)

One of the good and wise ones. :)

That's really sucky. I'm sorry.

Dentistry sucks.

Dental problems are a nightmare. But this ... they actually injured your face trying to get hardware off? I'm sorry, IM.

I don't know.

But the answer I think we're supposed to give is to focus on the positive. Count your blessings. That sort of thing. I think that can help, if you really try it. It's sort of like a meditation.

It's easy to forget the good stuff because you take it for granted. You love your nieces, right? They are a huge positive in your life. You're fortunate to have them. That's just an example. You would know better than I would what your positives are, I can't do this exercise for you. Focus on the positives and take your mind off the shit. Hard to do with a throbbing mouth, so tell me to screw off if it helps.

There's a freak running around that looks like you?:o

Chin up, and all that shit. This will pass.

Hell, Infi, I been freaky-looking for 45 yrs.

Feel better.

Hug.

Wish I could help you with your load. ...

I would usually advise focusing on the present, but with it being tooth hurty right now...... I got nuthin.

Hug.

Yeah. .. that's all I got. I guess you have to do something about that tooth first, so....um..... just handle that one thing first.

THanks guys. Deleted my posts because...well it doesn't matter because why because then I am just doing what I was told I was doing when I posted about it in the first place. Not by you. Just...eh, never mind all that.

This too shall pass. Thanks for your concern. Kind words and virtual hugs are nice.

L---

Infi - whatever it was, I hope it's getting better now!

I'm no fan of sterilisation.
(Well only as a knee-jerk reaction) but surely some women can have contrceptive implants. Can't think of an equivalent temporary measure for men.

We just had the court case of a woman who starved her four year old to death and hid the corpse in his cotbed under the squalor she lived in. His body was dressed in clothes intended for a six month old baby. Said clothes bore signs of maggot infestation.

And no, not a postpartem story in this case, just the tragic case of a woman completely unsuitable to reroduce
Amanda Hutton had eight children, most in Care or with relatives.
She was an alcoholic and drug addict.
She spent her own childhood in Care and lived an extremely chaotic lifestyle.
She had been a victim of serious domestic violence and was known to the police.
When she was arrested she was so drunk she couldn't stand up and looked like she would be sick when she tried to speak. There were flies on her clothes.

Her son never saw a GP and was eventually struck off the list for failing to keep appointments.
She refused to let Health Visitors into the house.
Her son did not turn up for school and was eventually unregistered.

There is a tabloid-scramble for blame of course, but EIGHT CHILDREN raised in squalor at some point in their lives?
We're not talking a clown car, we're talking a gumball machine.

Uh...you could help me with my load...;)

I'm cold.
Not proper cold than can be warmed up, but weird skin-cold which refuses to shift, all goosebumps and unexpected shivers.
Diz is ill and now on a 24 hour fast. If I had anywhere else I could go for 24 I would
I can't drink, I don't want to eat.

Only good thing is Mum is out most of today, so I don't have her to deal with, although she seems okay right now.
When she's gone Dad will start mooching around doing his own thing, so I'll go watch some TV. And maybe put some gloves on. And maybe boil my beans for dinner tonight.

And make some lists for whet I want and need, as incentives, starting with upping my overtime for Christmas.

No real problems, apart from Diz. Just down.

Maybe you#re coming down with something. Have a cup of tea. That should help warm you at least.

I have had a bad day today. Not going in to details right now, but the final straw for me was being away for the day and gettiny a text message telling me eva has started walking. When i waent there. :'(

Oh ... crap. Hugs, Ali. :hug:

Today I am not happy becos I have not seen my Nellie at all today not even in the park or in the car.

I do not know why I have not seen my Nellie. I wish I saw my Nellie.







[Dana's note: Nelle had her dew claws removed today.

:)

I hope Carrot gets to see Nellie very soon. Nellie also misses Carrot, I'm sure.

This was so cute I had to respond. Love to the doggies!

Becos?


Dewclos.

Friends who ghost you once you have cancer.

Yeah. But teh Cellar's got your back. X

Sent by thought transference

ortho - they are probably jealous. look at you! you beat cancer and come away a very sexy nymph. I just love your hair. plus, look at all you accomplished with your training while sicker than a dog.

Thanks, limey and Sarge. Teh Cellar really does have my back.