I'd hate that.

I feel small, insignificant, unimportant, stranded, strangled, downtrodden.

There's no sense in getting into 'why' anymore. I'll just say we had a staff meeting which was a lot of self-love in terms of making sure the wigs and everyone else sees what a goddamn indispensible force of nature they are, and the subsequent kudos from the wigs about how wonderful everyone, EVERYONE, on this 'team' is. With an exception. Obvious.

I just needed to say it. I wish I could make someone see it. I wish someone knew how it feels...to have been a vital, hardworking, involved, concerned, respected even admired entity...to now be whatever the opposite of important is, to be a liability, to be ignored and disdained, to look around at the mutual admiration society and be so far removed from any sense of understanding or appreciation.

What was I thinking in my younger days? That my work ethic would surpass any need to game-play, to toot my own horn, to be someone other than what and who I am? How naive have I been?

I still have one more meeting, on Tuesday. That will determine the next steps.

But right now I feel old, stupid, ugly, detrimental, unlikeable. The only thing I don't feel like is a big giant phony.

Thanks for listening. Really, it's what I need. To be able to talk about it without judgment, without narrowed eyes, without thinly disguised disgust. Because I feel disgusting. Maybe I am.

Oh, and when a 'friend' disses you in semi-public, that helps. Oh, I DO suck? Thank you very much. I'd almost forgotten.

Sorry, you're feeling down, IM.

I think you do yourself no favors when you are so hard on yourself.

Thanks glatt. You're always there with a kind word, and I know how tiresome I am.

I am working on the cognitive exercises I learned in the bin/therapy. Sometimes I forget and have to be reminded. The theory is that eventually the better thought processes become habit. But now I struggle and work at it. And I still get upset and I still get angry. A day of feeling good seems sure to be shot down by, at least, the next day.

But I'm still here (by here I don't mean the physical space I currently occupy, I mean I am 'here' but that ain't all that) and I'm still moving forward, slowly.

Thanks again.

That sounds awful, Infi. Please make sure that you're not under the influence of any of the 15 reasons you may be feeling bad ...
And certainly vent away here! Let it all out! We can take it for ya!

Jumping on Glatt's bandwagon. And I'd like to offer you this free gift at absolutely no cost to you, even if you decide not to keep the steak knives.


To redeem your free gift follow this link:
http://www.cellar.org/showthread.php...359#post861359

:)

Thanks guys.

(Is 'guys' slang for 'y'all' or 'everyone' elsewhere? I always wonder when I say 'guys' it isn't obvious to everyone that I dont' mean 'guys' in the gender term...just thought I'd throw that in.)

It is in STL.

This is upsetting me. Has been for quite a while now. I'm waiting for my dermatologist appointment in a couple of weeks. Hopefully some laser therapy will help. BTW, what you see on this leg is pretty much all over my body. :(

Attachment 43757

I don't think legs are supposed to do that.

They are definitely not supposed to be covered in scaly spots that itch like buggery pretty much all the time, except when they come into contact with another surface, at which time they actually sting and ache. :(

You have legs all over your body! :eek:
Start a religion, I understand they're very lucrative.

haha...yeah...nah! lol not my thing

Infini, the suits forget who does the work ,

http://www.cellar.org/attachment.php...1&d=1366590263

that's my kind of woman

At the moment UPS has me well and truely pissed off.

Thursday I had problems with the brakes on the Land Rover. We live in a rural part of Nova Scotia and are a good hour's drive from any parts store (none of which had the parts in stock and they'd need to be ordered). As the vehicle was unable to be driven with the rear brakes out of action, I bit the bullet and ordered the needed parts online from a company that offers next day delivery. The delivery charges were far more than the parts cost.

The parts were scheduled for pickup by UPS on Thursday afternoon, just before their cut-off time for guaranteed delivery by the end of the day on Friday. We're used to the UPS truck arriving here late in the afternoon.

It appears that on Friday morning, UPS misplaced the package at their main centre for Nova Scotia (3 hours by road from here), while it was missing, it missed the delivery run to our part of the province, somehow managed to get reshipped back to their centre in New Brunswick (that took 2 days, so I think it went by road). This morning it was reshipped back to the Nova Scotia centre, arriving there too late to make today's delivery run.

With the way my luck is running, I'm willing to bet that when the parts are finally delivered, they'll be the wrong ones.

The Land Rover is our only licensed vehicle, and with it off the road, we can't do anything. I have to get it mobile again before I fly to Australia on Thursday.

I emailed UPS on Saturday, and so far all I've received was a single apology email very early this morning.
I responded to them, that their apology doesn't do me much good.

It'll be interesting to see just how difficult it will be getting UPS to refund the delivery charges for their "Guaranteed next day delivery".

In any case, I will be civil to the UPS delivery driver when he eventually turns up with the parts as I know it's not his fault.

Yeah, the driver is like a waiter, with no control over the chef/owner/boss.
Living in the boondocks often requires spares for all essentials, to make life eaier.

Now you're condoning polygamy :eyebrow:

Nah, too complicated... it wouldn't hurt to keep a sheep or two, though. ;)

It's 6:30PM and the UPS truck just arrived.

Better late than never. ;)

... and the parts are .... ????

Better late than pregnant. :eek:

haha...yeah. I think I'd cease to function if I fell pregnant again. lol

The package had all the right parts, and the car was back on the road just before 8PM last night.

Sweet!

After my third "it's still not good enough" email reply to their "we're very sorry, but we hope you'll continue to use UPS" emails, I've been promised a call from their customer service people by 10am today to resolve the issue.

It's now just about 1:30 pm local time, so they aren't impressing me again.

Tomorrow I fly to Australia for 4 weeks, so I guess their window for resolving this problem has closed.

This is the nonsense I went through yesterday...over a fucking dollar.

Wrong thread chika? :p

OOPS!
Mods? Please? Happy thread?

done. most excellent happy post has been moved to happy thread.

I cut my left thumb pretty well this morning with a box knife. I was cutting a box down a bit to fit a tripod I sold on ebay yesterday and was just being careless by holding a big ruler as a straight edge with the tip of my thumb extending out a bit too far. So it's sliced right at the top of the thumb nail into the meaty part.

I grabbed some paper towels and held it for awhile. Then I went to our bathroom to look for band aids, a useless trip as we seem to have a pretty pathetic first aid kit. I finally found some finger band aids which which work pretty well for fingertips. Later I went to the store and got some steri-strips and stuck them from my fingernail over the cut and onto where my thumb print is. Wrapped it up again in a band aid and the wrapped the thumb with some tape to hold the band aid on.

I hate when I do shit like this, it makes it hard to do things I need to do like finish the garden or put my wife's car back together.

I've found for fingers, liquid bandage is best. Depends on how bad the cut is though.

The great thing about the 'glue' is that it doesn't come off when you work with your hands or wash your hands. Doesn't work with big gashes though.

*bites tongue*

I'm sorry about your gash.
(tongue unbitten - less painful that way)

My thumb about 12 hours after I cut it.

Now it's 2 days later and it feels better. I've cleaned it up and slept last night with just a sterile-strip on it.

Oh gawd, I did not want to see that. I am sorry for your finger. Now excuse me....:vomitblu:

Jeanie Mac!
Chris you have to warn us before you post those!
(not seriously, like, it was just shock-a-rama)

Nasty, nasty nasty. For you I mean. Horrrid injury.
Glad it's still attached at least. Just painful as fuck I bet.

Upset today? Well.... more like cross. But there's no thread for that.
I got Dad some Wetherspoons vouchers for his birthday.
It's a chain of pubs in the UK - decent, clean, family places, reasonable food and good drinks prices. Mum & Dad like them. £20. That would cover 2x2 meals.

Now I had to wait til payday. Yesterday. Because I had no money until then.
I thought I could walk into a pub and just buy vouchers, or a gift card, like you can in pretty much every national chain from make-up stores to supermarkets. In fact he got two gift cards from other members of the family.

No. Only online.
Well okay. It's not like I'm computer illiterate or can only pay in cash (both thanks to the 'rents I admit.)
So I ordered. £20. And paid extra for Special Delivery.
Wait, where are they? I know they can arrive until 13.00, but these things tend to come early or not come at all.
So I called Customer Services, just to check.

Hah.

If you order vouchers, they are set up for despatch the NEXT DAY. I'm not talking about ordering at 21.00, I ordered before 12.00.
Nothing on the website (and I've gone back over it with ant's feet) tells you this.
Fuck it arriving before 13.00 tomorrow - it could arrive in a weeks time now for all I care.

Customer Services are calling me back.
It's not the money. Although I'd like a refund.
It's being a shitty daughter that bothers me. Even though I tried not to be. Shoulda just put a £20 note in his card, eh?

That doesn't make you a shitty daughter at all. Things happen and stuff gets delayed. Its not like you did on purpose or put it off until the last minute because you didn't care. You do care and thats why it is upsetting you in the first place. I still have Christmas presents to give out and I don't feel shitty for it.

Not a shitty daughter. You bought a no-stress-all-round cake and carried it with care and love all the way through town.

Got a refund on the delivery cost.
In the mean time talked to Mum. She said "Don't cancel the vouchers, he'll love them. Just tell him you were let down and something is coming."
Sage advice from the Mater.

I got him a photo card from Moonpig, which he loved.
And we brought in his cream cake with candles and sang Happy Birthday (and didn't give any money to Paul McCartney, haha!)
And Mum says he was very happy.
I also got up early to make sure all his cards and prizes were on the breakfast table.

So anything else is a bonus...
I still feel crummy though.

Don't beat yourself up over it! My wife always says "In five years will you look back and remember it? Will it have made a difference?"

Chances are most likely it won't!

I checked out the Wetherspoons website. Looks like a nice chain. Over the years of my visiting the UK I have seen Pub-Grub really evolve. There was a time when all you could get was fish and chips, bangers and mash, etc. and the Sunday carvery and mainly beer and ale to drink. Now they try to be a lot more creative and offer much more. My British relatives say it started to change when Brits income improved and they began traveling on the continent and elsewhere and came home and demanded more from the local pubs. Pub food isn't always the bargain it used to be but it's head over tails better then most of the chains here in the USA!

Don't beat yourself up over it. Your mum isn't, after all ;)

Thanks peeps.
You know me - any chance to over-react and I'm on it.

All is calm, all is bright now.
And when the vouchers arrive (and I bet they get them out lickety-split now) I'll be Best Daughter of the Year. Which I am intrinsically, just sometimes I screw up.

ETA - Chris, I must start a Pub Food in the UK thread or somesuch.
Because you're very right - it's changed enormously in my lifetime and I'd like to celebrate it.

FTFY ;)

Perfect fix.

^wss^ Sundae, you are an awesome daughter and overall person. Your dad will love the vouchers. That's what will matter in five years. Plus the fact that you bought him a birthday cake and carried it all the way across town.

You listenin' to this, Chezzer?* They're right y'know.

I'm listening. You know I can never internalise it though.

When I'm in a bad way I look at old threads - specially my "travel" threads and take in the good comments. Feel I've achieved something. Because I've shown something people haven't seen before, or turned a phrase that someone else enjoys.

Me being a good person? Step too far.

Dads got his vouchers today.
He was made up.
I forgot through all the drama, that he didn't actually know what was supposed to be arriving :facepalm:
New wastepaper bin arrived in the same post - because Diz chewed the hell out of the wicker one in my room and the one in here. Trialled my new one for 2 weeks, then got one for this room. So Mum was all cheery-glad too.

This is in the right thread this time. Because it's a resolution to something I posted about here.

But like a pervy businessman, I'm grateful for a Happy Ending.

We've all seen the evidence that you're a good person Sundae. Even if you don't believe, know that we all do. I just can't believe that such a nice person as yourself cannot internalize that. I know how hard you've worked on yourself, keep working and I know you'll get there. You know that recently I was low enough to try to kill myself, I'm no longer feeling that way and I feel like a good person. There are others here who have felt the same, and turned it around. I'm not gonna tell you that if we can do it, so can you, but just know there is hope.

I can see him now. "Why Sundae, a new bin! Just what I've always wanted!"

I don't know what he'd have made of the tight fitting dress then!

Pics when I lose another stone - I thought I could rock it as is, but Mum said, "Well a bit off here" boobs "and quite a bit off here" belly "and it will look okay!"
I agreed.
Anything to get out of the convo and stop her touching me.
She's prolly right anyway. I bought it on a whim ina smaller size than I can really wear.

Glasgow this year, if we do it. And if I make it.

Long story short: young lady daughter, with a certificate in digital animation and a case of high functioning autism ... moved in with college friends in Ottawa last August after graduation before we packed up everything and moved to rural Nova Scotia.

Things haven't been working out so well for her there (although she's done well with keeping her financial situation relatively stable) .... so she's decided that it's not working and when her friends give up their current apartment in July - she won't be moving with them.

This sucks on all sorts of levels of SUCKatude.

I'm hoping her emotionally useless but financially stable father living in the GTA will see fit to try and rebuild his relationship with her (not a falling out, more a 'he never bothers to call') and allow her to move in with him and his new wife (whom she does like) ... while I hate the idea of her living with my ex - she is grown up now and the job opportunities will be better there as will the possibilities for counseling / therapy / doctors / services / something to deal with the emotional issues that have made the whole thing so hard for her.

I do still have close friends in southern ontario who will be able to keep a look out for her, provide emotional, and advocacy support for her ... if that works out. It's again... not making me happy, but it's reasonably the better opportunity for her.

I'm not holding my breath that the asshole will show any kindness or support to his child ...

In which case I may have to fly to Ottawa, rent a truck, drive her here .. in late June / early July .... something we really can't afford to do, we will find her doctors and supports and therapy here .... but jobs are gonna be very hard to come by - we're a 45 min drive to the nearest town .... and even that is a pretty depressed area job wise..... it's gonna be hard enough for ME to find a job to keep us going...

Love her to bits, the Feychild is a bright and shining light and an amazing person, and never never never in 10,000 years will I ever tell my children they can't come home to us to be safe, I'm just not sure right now how safe any of us are.

Not upset at her or with her, but for her.

F**K!

Chemo isn't done with me. My nails keep detaching. It's very upsetting, feels like my body is disintegrating bit by bit. I cover the weirdness up with nail polish but it just detaches the next day anyway.

Ocean, I hope it all works out.

Ortho, this too shall pass. Have you tried biotin or is it something you're not supposed to take? Its suppose to help nails grow stronger and I know my sis takes it because some of her meds weaken her nails too.

I just helped a friend who was videotaping a performance by another friend of ours who is a 15 year post breast cancer survivor.

At her five year mark she and her sister composed a song which she sang to tonight to the tune of My Country 'tis of Thee and now, one beer later I don't remember it. I'll have to ask her to email it to me. It was pretty funny.

I guess, I'm saying that it sucks now and you will live to be able to write bawdy song parodies about this shitty time.

hugs.

So. Cirrohis still not confirmed, but the Chief High Consultant (actually a very charming and honest man) explained that it was not possible to have blood results like mine and not be cirrhotic. So bottom line is, they will probably trans-jugular biopsy me to see how bad it is.

What is of more immediate concern is my auto-immune system. My liver may be facing attacks on two fronts, one from my own immune system, the other from my drinking. I am presenting quite young for excessive scarring, although all the results suggest that IS what I am presenting.

Still, the good news if if I achieve and maintain absolute abstinance for life, I have an expectancy of five plus years. The Consultant has people in his clinic who did not appear as outwardly healthy as me but were still alive 15 years later (then again, the ones that died probably weren't still attending.)

If I continue to drink, in any capacity, I only have a 50% chance of making it for the next two years.

I am waiting for results back.
I have an appointment to see them again in a month as a priority.
Head Chap (wish I could even give initials but I didn't catch anyone's names) is going to try to set me up on Acamprosate to help. It's supposed to be managed by my local NHS but they've always said it can only be prescribed by a specialist (which probably means it costs too much.)

It was a relief, talking to a renal specialist.
I'm scared.
Oh and jaundiced (again!)
And have some fluid on my lower abdomen, but again that was never really explained to me or why it was a bad thing.
And the lady who gave me my ultra-sound had to go and get someone else to confirm the results because it appears I have an extra vein in my liver? Still, she said comfortingly, it doesn't appear to be an accute issue, it's something longstanding. Phew (?)

Had a whole armful of blood taken, testing everything that I think they can possibly test for apart from shock and awe.

I'm scared for you. Please use this news to help you find the determination to stop.

Oh, Sundae! I don't know what to say.
I'd like you to be my friend for as long as possible. Is that selfish of me?
Sent by thought transference