I'm an evil genie.

Genie, maybe. I don't know about evil.

Sorry DanaC. I posted right after you did. I couldn't come up with anything for a wish except part of a Stevie Wonder song, so fellow cellars please use DanaC's post for wish granting.

You are both ten years younger but you have to live the same days the same way you did before.

I wish I had good hearing again.

You have good hearing again, but now you hear the voices in your head and they wont' they won't stop THEY WON'T STOP and you shove an icepick through your eardrums to make them shut up.

I wish I had penis in addition to my hoo-ha.

Ah, variety is the spice of life. Your wish comes true and you are prepared for a whole new world of experiences. It looks like the sky's the limit, everything's coming up roses ...... until that freak accident at the HP printer. Mortified by the experience, you dash home from work and are promptly fired for your precipitous departure.

I wish someone would cook me some dinner.

You lucky, lucky man, there's a woman who's willing to cook you dinner every night if you wish.....unfortunately the woman is Enid, the Townhall canteen cook. (one day I'll describe her culinery efforts in more detail).


I wish I had perfect skin.

Oh, yes, that's a fine choice. We can take care of that right away.........There, it is magnificent! Your skin is breathtaking - smooth, supple alabaster. Helen of Troy would be envious, Aphrodite could not contain her jealousy, Guinevere would......ah, but I waste your time with such pedantic drivel. Allow me to proceed directly to the heart of the matter - you must step up onto this pedestal so that our technicians may ply their craft. Yes, your absolute beauty will be preserved for posterity, a museum piece frozen in time.

I wish it weren't so humid.

It is no longer humid. New York is suddenly the most arid place in the world and you have to keep your mouth closed to prevent your tongue drying out. Your eyelids creak down over dry eyes, painfully taking the top layer of cells from your eyeballs every time. The moisture is leeched from your skin and it begins to crack and sores appear all over you. And no-one can grow lentils any more so on top of everything you're constipated.

I wish I had internet access 24/7

Brilliant bit about the lentils, Sundae!

Sundae Girl? Sure, we remember her. Ah, she was a beloved Dwellar. Once. Nobody knows where she is, now. You see, she managed to get herself a state of the art broadband internet connection. It was fast and she was always connected, all week long. That's when it all started, the lure of the cyberwild. Poor SG found herself constantly drawn in new directions and began surfing farther and farther. She learned so much and saw such marvelous things that she was ever-enthralled. She kept going and we lost touch. Now The Cellar has no more Sundae. :mecry:

I wish I didn't smell that wretched cologne in which my coworker seems to bathe.

Your coworker stops using cologne. In fact he stops using deodorant and stops bathing, too. And he has taken to rolling in really smelling things, the way a dog does. Now that's what you smell all day at work.

I wish the office manager wasn't around anymore.

I've taken care of your office manager. Too bad you've got motive.

I wish Smoothmoniker would come home to the Cellar.

But no: now it's here.

In a sudden flurry of posts, smoothmoniker returns to the Cellar.

Unfortunately, he is now a radical muslim cleric musician, and each and every Cellarite soon receives in the mail little bombs disguised as Britney Spears dolls.

I wish Winter would end.

Winter has ended. forever. No more snow, no more sleet, no more freezing nights. Unfortunately we now have to hear Al Gore yelling "I was right! I was right! I was right!" everytime we turn on the tv.

I wish I wasn't sick.

Sick
 

KaPow! You die of your illness.

But there is no hereafter and you face endless oblivion.

I wish there was no evil in the world.