![]() |
can anyone remember how to prove fermats last thorem?
|
Sure, but it won't fit in this margin.
|
Quote:
|
Well, a CS major/math minor. But Fermat was in the news a few years ago, when someone came up with a proof that was considerably larger than a margin.
|
I was a pansy liberal arts major, and even we learned about Fermat's famous margin comment...
Hell, Kagen, if you're impressed by that--I can also pronounce Euler correctly. |
im still impressed by that too.
|
Did you hear about the mathematician who solved the problem of constipation?
He worked it out with a pencil |
You're the reason they've banned guns in England, aren't you?
|
|
At the Olympics, the US wrestler was about to start his match with the defending world champion, a Russian wrestler renown for his "pretzel hold". The American coach told his wrestler " Don't let him get you in the pretzel hold. No one has been able to get out of it, and everyone he's gotten in the pretzel hold has been pinned."
In the middle of the second period, the Russian got the American in the pretzel hold. The American coach couldn't bear to watch. He went to the locker room to wait for his wrestler. Soon, to his surprise, he heard the Star Spangled Banner being played. He ran to the podium and saw his wrestler receive the gold medal. When he came down off the podium, the coach asked what happened. "well, he got me in the pretzel hold", the wrestler answered, " and I was trying to stay off my back, when I saw a pair of testicals hanging down, right in front of my face." "What did you do?" asked the coach. "I did the only thing I could - I bit them. You wouldn't believe the rush of energy you get when you bite your own balls!" |
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.
As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: THE STORY: (first paragraph by marichiko) At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question. (second paragraph by Urbane Guerilla) Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. (marichiko) He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. (Urbane Guerilla) Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted, wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie. (marichiko) This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent. (Urbane Guerilla) Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!" (marichiko) Asshole. (Urbane Guerilla) Bitch (marichiko) F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL! (Urbane Guerilla) Go drink some tea - whore. (TEACHER) A+ - I really liked this one. :lol: |
OMG that was the best thing i've ever read! it works perfectly. im so glad i actually read that instead of skipping because it was long.
BRILLIANT!! :rotflol: :rotflol: :rotflol: :rotflol: :rotflol: :rotflol: |
Nice one Brucie baby!:biglaugha :lol2: :thumb:
|
I try.:blush:
|
I'm digging that.
|
Speaking of the drug thread
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down.
He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate " |
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light
bulb? 1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed; 2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed; 3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb; 4. One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs; 5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb; 6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner: Light Bulb Change Accomplished; 7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in detail how Bush was literally in the dark; 8. One to viciously smear #7; 9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along; 10. And finally one to confuse Americans about the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country. |
:lol: then :sniff: It's just a little too true
|
I think you may need more. That bulb never actually got changed.
|
No HM, the bulb not getting changed would be consistent. :dunce:
|
This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint..it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions: If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26. Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98% and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96% But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100% And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103% AND, look how far ass kissing will take you. A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118% So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top. |
i like
|
Quote:
It is sad just how true that is. :headshake |
It is sad how true it is, but amusing how it actually works out using the "a=1 b=2" system.
And now for something completely different... Misdiagnosis Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his friend: "I'm sure he has Petry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him: "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said: "I'll tell you, but first you'll tell me what you think." One of the students said: "I think it's Petry Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought.......... but you are wrong." Then the other student said: "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said: "You thought.......... but you are wrong. So they asked him: "Well, what do you have?" The old man said: "I thought it was GAS...........but I was wrong." |
Apparantly I am the only one who loves to post funny things...
Either that, or they aren't as funny as I had first thought. He is another one anyway. I hope you enjoy it... A number of primary schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the 'better ones." 1. This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) 2. Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves to chargers. (Christopher age 7) 3. Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6) 4 If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are in continent. (Wayne age 7) 5. I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6) 6. A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8) 7. My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6) 8. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans (William age 7) 9. I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 6) 10. When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6) |
^ ^ thanks, iggy. i could use a smile today.
|
My pleasure. :D
|
Kevin, age 6, has a great future as a writer. He has a gift for communicating a great deal of important information in a descriptive, yet brief, manner.
|
Helen's pretty precocious...
|
Quote:
A young guy was complaining to his boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. "She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her!" the young man exclaimed. "Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my wife" replied the boss. "Whenever she got out of hand, I'd take her pants down and spank her." Shaking his head the young guy replied, "That doesn't work. Once I get her pants down, I'm not mad anymore." |
Quote:
Then I don't want to be right... I love the funny and witty things here at the cellar, so I try to share the same with you. |
I said you were wrong in thinking you're the only one that loves to post funny things.;)
|
After a long day at work, a man realized it was his anniversary.
He raced to Victoria's Secret and asked for the sheerest thing they had. He purchased the nightgown for $400 and raced home. He ran inside and told his wife, "Go upstairs and put this on." She went upstairs and opened her gift. She lifted the gown out and was stunned that it was transparent. She figured it would be just as good to just walk downstairs naked because her husband wouldn't even notice, and she could return the gown for a refund in the morning. As she walked down the stairs, the husband exclaimed, "Damn—for $400, you'd think they'd at least iron the damn thing!" :rolleyes: |
Walking through the jungle, a hunter found a dead rhino with a Pygmy standing proudly beside it. Amazed, the hunter asked, "Did you kill that rhino?" Why, yes, said the Pygmy. I killed it with my club. The astonished hunter exclaimed, "Wow! How big is your club?" The Pygmy replied, "There are about 90 of us."
|
Back in cowboy times, a westbound wagon train was lost and low on
food. No other humans had been seen for days, and then the pioneers saw an old Norwegian sitting beneath a tree. "Is there some place ahead where we can get food?" "Vell, I tink so," the old man said, "but I wouldn't go up dat hill und down de udder side. Somevun tole me you'd run into a big bacon tree." "A bacon tree?" asked the wagon train leader. "Yah, n bacon tree. Vould I lie? Trust me. I vouldn't go dere." The leader goes back and tells his people what the Norwegian said. "So why did he say not to go there?," a person asked. Other pioneers said, "Oh, you know those Norwegian people - they lie just for a joke." So the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack them from everywhere and massacre all except the leader who manages to escape and get back to the old Norwegian. Near dead, the man shouts, "You fool! You sent us to our deaths. We followed your route, but there was no bacon tree, just hundreds of Indians who killed everyone but me." The old Norwegian man holds up his hand and says, "Vait a minute." He quickly picks up an English-Norwegian dictionary and begins thumbing through it. Oof-da, I made such ah big mishtake! It vuzn't a bacon tree, it vuz a ham bush." |
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
--Jack Handey, "Deep Thoughts" |
Interesting recreation of the cartoon, to say the least.
I have a vague sense that the original was a Callahan. I love Callahan. "Do Not Disturb Any Further" is one of my personal favorites. |
scream
1 Attachment(s)
Scream, by Banksy
|
Bush Says Paralysis of Iraqi Government a Sign of Democracy
The president hails partisan wrangling and inaction. April 4, 2006 - President George W. Bush said that the infighting and partisan wrangling that have brought the Iraqi government to a standstill are "signs that true democracy has taken root in Iraq." At a White House briefing, Bush said the fact that the newly formed government of Iraq is in the grip of paralysis shows that American-style democracy can be successfully exported to a Middle Eastern nation. "It took the United States government hundreds of years to attain the level of inactivity we currently enjoy," Bush told reporters. "The Iraqi people have achieved that in just a matter of months." While Bush praised the Iraqis for establishing such key democratic institutions as partisan squabbling and gridlock, he cautioned that much work needs to be done before Iraq can be considered a true democracy. "Iraq still has not had a major campaign fundraising scandal," he noted. He said that key elements of a democracy, such as indicted lawmakers and disgraced lobbyists, were still largely missing from Iraq's political landscape and need to take root there. In order to kick-start those democratic institutions, Bush said he was sending Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Tex) to Iraq to teach Iraqi legislators how to become indicted and disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff to teach Iraqi lobbyists how to disgrace themselves. "Only when Iraq has its own disgraced lobbyists and a president who denies ever knowing them can it be considered a truly democratic nation," Mr. Bush said. |
A very attractive blonde goes up to the bar. She gestures alluringly to the bar tender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly, stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, I'm not," says the man. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak with him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to nip them gently. "What should I tell him??" the bartender manages to say while nibbling her delicate fingers. "Tell him," she whispers, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap or paper towels in the ladies’ room." |
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.
The Italian Customs Officer stops them and tells them: "It'sa illegala to putta 5 people in a Quattro." "Vot do you mean it's illegal?" asks the German driver. "Quattro meansa four" replies the Italian official. "Quattro is just ze name of ze fokken automobile" the Germans retort unbelievingly. "Look at ze dam papers: ze car is designed to karry 5 persons." "You canta pulla thata one on me!" replies the Italian customs officer. "Quattro meansa four. You have fivea people ina your car and you are thereforea breaking the law." The German driver replies angrily: "You idiot! Call your zupervisor over. I vant to speak to someone viz more intelligence!" "Sorry" responds the Italian officer, "He can'ta come. He'sa busy with a 2 guys in a Fiat Uno." |
A little music humor:
C, an E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit and stands there au natural. Eventually, the C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest and closes the bar. |
a C walks into a bar and says "ding"
|
You know you grew up in the 1970's, 1980's if....
You had plastic streamers on your handle bars You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THRU THE HEART You cut your t-shirts in half and wore it with your homemade Levi shorts..(the shorter the better) You had a mullet! Concert tickets were 7 dollars |
|
I haven't read the whole thread so I'm sorry if this is a repost.
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fart, time for you to retire." The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?" The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over." The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop." The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start." The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Darn..... third gay rooster I bought this month." |
A German guy approaches a prostitute.
"I vish to buy sex viz you." "OK," says the girl, "I charge £20 an hour." "..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky." "No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do little kinky." So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. "I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees." The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees. "Now you vill get on your hans und knees." She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs. "You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you." She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say, "That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?" "Ah," says the German . . ."zat is ze........ Four-sprung Duck Technique. |
WTF was that about?
Awww, the link to part 1 is broken, Jinx. :( |
Jay, I think your pun is missing.
Not that that's a bad thing, necessarily ... |
Quote:
|
Innovation through Technology. Okay. Uh. Yeah. But what about the duck?
|
|
Thank you, Jinx. :D
Audi, huh. hmmm... |
What is the difference between girls/woman
aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58. 68, and 78 ? At 8 -- You put her in bed and tell her a story. At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story! At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who are you??? |
An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they
hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, the man died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he will be back to haunt you for the rest of your life?" The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down......." |
;) Tip for Men
'A man has never been shot while doing the dishes' Two irish men are adrift in a small boat out in the ocean with no paddles and no land in site. One of them sees a bottle floating in the water and plucks it out. when they open the bottle a genie appears and grants them one wish. before the first guy can say a word the second pipes up with i wish that the ocean was made of guinness the genie says done and disappears. looking around they see that the ocean is truly made of guinness. the first irish man slaps the second very hard across the back of the head and cries you fool what have you done now we will have to piss in the boat. |
Quote:
|
Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature." Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn`t ya tell me the dog was Catholic? |
I have some raunchy ones, where do I post em'?
|
John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten
roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, and a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result: The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pullet Surprise" as well. Clearly Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't looking. |
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:18 PM. |
Powered by: vBulletin Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.