Very nice, zippyt. I especially got a kick out of the first two. :)

Giggle, giggle.

Planned books cancelled on 9-12-01
“Giuliani: Why He Could Never Handle a Huge Crisis”
“Our Fear-Free, Pampered, Celebrity-Obsessed, Self-Indulgent, Insular American World: Why It Will go on Like This Forever”
“Carry On: It's Time To Stop All This Unnecessary Airport Security”
“Religious Fundamentalism: The Last Best Hope to Bring Peace to the World”
“Mommy, I Feel Too Safe: How to Raise Children in a Boring World”
“Hosed: Are Firemen Really All That Brave, Or Is It Just a Bunch Of Hype?”
“How to Find a Great Name for Your Speed-Metal Band, by Joey Belladonna of Anthrax”
“‘Jihad’? Wasn't She On ‘Moesha’?: 100 Hilarious Jokes About Americans’ Ignorance of World Affairs and Other Cultures”
“The Death of CNN: Why The All-News Format Failed”
“Stem Cell Research: George W. Bush's defining moment”
“How to Look Afghan”
“Take a Powder!: The kid's guide to de-electronizing finely milled granular substances”

Hehehehehe. Those are all pretty good. :)

Well, except for the Anthrax one. The anthrax didn't happen for quite a while longer. Geez, get your facts straight! :cool:

Yeh, like a month. Yeesh. :)

what do a penguin and JFK jr have in common?

both cute as hell and neither of them can fly.

Timmy and his grandfather went fishing one day.
about a half an hour in, grandpa takes out a beer and starts to drink it. "hey grandpa, can i have a sip of your beer?", timmy says. Grandpa says," well let me ask you a question: can you touch your asshole with the tip of your penis?" Timmy is appalled. " no! I'm only 10 yrs old!" grandpa says, " well until you can, no beer"
about a half an hour later, grandpa lights a cigar. Same question by timmy, same answer.

yet another half hour later TIMMY gets out a bag of oreos and stars to eat them. Grandpa says," hey timmy, let me have one of those cookies>" Timmy says," let me ask you a question: can you touch your asshle with the tip of your penis?" Grandpa gets a proud look on his face and says,"yes i can!"

timmy: " Good. go fuck yourself, these are MY oreos!"

lol. consider that one stolen...but i won't take credit.

What'd the leper say to the prostitute?

"Keep the tip."


nyuk, nyuk, nyuk

The Reverend Jesse Jackson was holding a press conference
in the appliance department of a Sears store in Chicago. He
was there to protest the fact that all the washing machines
were white. The clerk was upset because Jesse was getting
louder and frightening customers away. So, he called the store
manager who said: "What's the problem here Reverend?"

Jesse continued to bemoan that all the washing machines were white.

The manager remarked, "Well Reverend, while it's true that all the machines
are white, if you open the lids you will see that all the agitators are black."

What's Michael Jackson's favorite college?

"Bring 'em" Young University


hahahaha.

What's black and blue and hates sex?













the five year old in the trunk of my car.

The Teacher, Ms. Pelzner, was very curious about how each of her
students celebrated Christmas. She called on young Patrick Murphy. "Tell me
Patrick what do you do at Christmas time?" she asked.
Patrick addressed the class, "Well Ms. Pelzner, me and my twelve
brothers and sisters go to the midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we
come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up
our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to
come with all our toys."

"Very nice Patrick," she said. "Now Jimmy Brown what do you do at
Christmas?"

"Well, Ms. Pelzner, me and my sister also go to Church with Mum and Dad
and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and
milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep,
waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents. "

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave
him out of the discussion, she asked, "Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do
at Christmas?"

Isaac said, "Well, it's the same thing every year. Dad comes home from
the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce, then we drive to his toy
factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves and begin
to sing 'What a friend we have in Jesus.' Then we all go to the Bahamas."

I am committing this one to memory, Wolf. Hysterical.