:comfort: to you both.

*hug*

Aw crap Wolf. So sorry. Anything encouraging today?

Yesterday morning I was awakened at 7am by a doctor wanting to get consent for a blood transfusion.

No problem. All of this stuff has been discussed and I know what the right answers are, even if I can't find where she squirrelled away the living will paperwork.

Why did I have to give consent? She was given a heavy-duty painkiller yesterday and she was totally zonked. Not capable of making her own decisions.

Unfortunately, when she gets meds that "good," she tends not to react well to them. She spent the rest of the day pretty much asleep, and later on was confused. Luckily I was there when they came in to do an echocardiogram ... she fought with the echo tech, and I had to help hold her.

This morning a nurse called to inform me that there would be a call from interventional radiology, for consent for a PICC line. She's had one of these before. Why does she need it now? Well, on the one hand, her veins are quite fragile, and, I'm told difficult to stick. On the other, she became angrily confused overnight, apparently wanted to leave the hospital, and pulled her IVs. All of them. She may have had as many as three running.

She is now restrained.

On the upside, the cardiologist thinks she clinically looks "better."

siswolf arrived yesterday evening from Rhode Island.

hang in there.

Hugs for wolf and prayers for momwolf.

momwolf remains confused, but the agitation seems to have abated somewhat. She hasn't ripped her (full) colostomy bag off in at least two days.

Yesterday I had a scary moment. It turned out to be a false alarm (for momwolf), but was quite devastating for someone else's family. As I walked onto the ICU floor I heard an overhead page go out "CODE BLUE, ICU." These are words that you don't want to hear as you're going to visit a loved on on the ICU (Interestingly, however, it was the only time that I heard a code called in the whole time I was there visiting). All of sudden people in scrubs blasted out of the unmarked doors along the hallway I was in and started running toward the ICU. As they crowded into the unit, I peeked through the door and made sure that the flurry of activity was not going on anywhere near momwolf's room. It wasn't.

A nursing student saw me hovering around the door and asked who I was there for. I told her I was coming for momwolf, but recognized that they were all quite busy and I was perfectly fine staying out of their way. She told me to come on in. As I was doing so, another family saw where the action was, and knew it was their beloved Pop-Pop. I truly felt for them, as I had been dreading that particular scenario. From a kind of clinical coolness standpoint, though ... in this unit, when there's an irregular rhythm ALL of the cardiac monitors in the rooms get a pop-up window showing all the telemetry details. Now, I can't read an ekg to save my life, except to be able to say things like "Wow, that looks really irregular. That can't be good." Trust me, Pop-Pop wasn't good, but I think I did see when they shocked him and his heart struggled to regain something approaching a regular rhythm. It did, for a bit. I didn't see the final outcome, although his room was empty later. Whether he died or went to CCU or surgery or cath, I really don't know.

So, momwolf was physically doing better. She had good color and all that, but she was out there. I stayed for a couple hours, more to reassure her than anything. She knows her own name and recognizes me, but still doesn't quite grasp that she is in the hospital.

Today when I went to the ICU to visit she was sitting up in bed and feeding herself. This is major, since yesterday I was spooning applesauce into her mouth. Her nurse told me that she had eaten all of her breakfast as well. I also learned that her foley catheter was removed.

She was deemed stable enough that she "graduated." This means that she was moved to the telemetry unit since she is no longer sick enough for the ICU. The service isn't going to be as personal there as nurse to patient ratios are higher on regular units.

I hope that she doesn't try to escape. I doubt that she was get far, but that doesn't mean she won't try. I have always told her that I will only come to take her home when the doctor says she's good to go. I reinforce this by refusing to bring clothes until she is ready for discharge. If she tries to leave against medical advice, she knows has to catch the bus wearing a gown that flaps open at the back and a pair of footies.

siswolf returned to RI yesterday (Saturday), since momwolf seemed to be more stable. This is all very tough on her. Okay, on both of us, but I can deal with momwolf being in soft restraints a lot better. siswolf can't bear to see stuff like that. She did fine with the wound care stuff after the 2006 surgery, but momwolf being completely insane is outside of her experience.

While leaving the hospital today I saw one of my patients sitting across the street on a bench, talking loudly to a bush. She likes the coffee in the hospital cafeteria. It's a regular part of her route. My ambulance has actually picked her up by waiting for her there when more than a week goes by with an open warrant on her. Not sure if I should warn work that they will be seeing her any time now.

This is better than what happened a couple of days ago, also out in front of the hospital ... "Hi, remember me? I'm the one who always comes in psychotic and off my meds!" (*sorry, that doesn't narrow it down much*)

Sounds better, glad to hear it.

Thinking of you both, wolf!

More encounters with my patients. They have a route, you see, which includes getting some coffee and snacks at the hospital cafeteria. The community mental health center they all go to is just down the street. These patients were pretty nice, and I got a cheery "Hello, Miss!" from them.

momwolf remains medically stable(ish), not sure if she's still confused. She slept most of yesterday, some of her conversation was goal directed, but it was pretty limited, short answers and all. She had an MRI of her noggin done, and the results are "suggestive of a stroke," however, she's not showing any physical signs ... no weakness, paralysis, etc.

A kidney doctor tells me her kidney function is even less than the first guy said, but she's holding on. He said things like "quality of life" a lot. The plan remains managing her medically with no extreme interventions, as they are of limited value at this point.

Getting old sucks. Watching someone else deteriorate in front of you is extremely stressful. I watched my MIL and FIL pass and while it is inevitable its never easy. Sending you a cyber {{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}} to let you know someone is listening.

Oh wolf it's a bummer when you have to watch your mother decline. I'm doing the same right now - it's just no fun at all :(.

I don't know if your clinical/medical knowledge makes it easier or harder to deal/cope? Sorry to feel you going through this.
Queen Mother came to visit for a long weekend - first time I really noticed her aging. Guess I've been in denial. I don't like it. Already lost my daddy a couple of years ago (unexpectedly) - not ready to lose mom too.

In all honesty, both.

It would possibly be easier if I weren't effectively the only one doing it. My sister lives 5 hours drive away, and also isn't really good at dealing with this kind of thing.

There is a good possibility, that if the Neurologist clears her, momwolf may be moved to a nursing home tomorrow, mainly for physical rehab. The fact that she did not argue with the case manager when this was discussed with her lets me know that she is not yet firing on all cylinders.

I ran into my ambulance crew today. They were picking up the lady who screams all the time two doors down from momwolf. The Chief was one of the two EMTs and he offered to do any transport that's necessary. Hopefully I will be able to get that info to the case manager in time.

It's always good to have friends. Best wishes to you and your mother, Wolf.