I suspect that's Sundae's position on it too. Trouble is there's nowt quite like a family for ramping things up into a crisis if at all possible. Which is one of the key reasons I stay the fuck off facebook. Lot of my extended family on there.

@ Sundae: things will calm down soon enough. Something else will quietly become the thing everybody's getting heated over.


@ fargon: that's really horrible. Try not to let it devalue your own achievements within the organisation though. You earned it, he got handed it. But that means you did earn it and that matters way more than the fact he didn't.

Fargon, you may have to stand up and tell them the boy doesn't yet have the education or the time served to do this. I'd try to stay positive and helpful because if no one steps up that church will empty. good luck g

What the family is most upset about is that she was the golden child. Up until the first lot of shenanigans anyway. And then she was back in grace. She has always been bright and educationally motivated, getting top grades and looking to be the first person in our family to go to Uni.

They now believe she has thrown her life away and will never do anything, ever.
This is part of what I am trying to nix - I know some really old women who've gone back into edumacation.

But what I can't deny is that life is going to be tough for her for a good few years.
Buying (and manouevering!) a double pushchair, two lots of nappies and feed (I doubt she will try to breastfeed - that in itself would be an additional challenge anyway), double sets of clothing from now until at least 16 - winter coats, shoes, uniforms etc.

This isn't the chap from before. It's a lad from football - they met when he was 19 and he's 20 now. They've been together five months. Yup. He dropped out of college but was volunteering because he wanted to go into football coaching. He's now taken a job with his Uncle. My sister didn't have much information on him - they've not wanted to see him or talk to him. I gently suggested that he was and would now always be a family member, but I got a long-suffering look and was told that that was not a guarantee.

He seems to want to be around - she's been to stay with him and his family most weekends and his Mum bought her some pyjamas... They are not what you would want as in-laws though. His Dad is no longer with his Mum and has just had a baby with his new partner. Sis thinks she is now living on the Jeremy Kyle Show (a bit like Maury). She doesn't see that perhaps the sky isn't falling after all and maybe a loving reaction is all you can have once the die has been cast. It's always been that way with us. That's why I got no support from my family when I was in mental health daycare. Not one phone call or visit from any of them. OMG - it's like she's a Jeremy Kyle guest!! How humiliating!!!

The thing that surprised me the most is that she should be eligible for a two bedroomed flat by December and will be taking it. She'll be 18, the babies will be approx three months (due date August, but twins are often premature). And my sister is mourning the loss of her, but of course she can't live at home. Wha..?! For 17 years we've had to fit our family lives around my niece. She dictated what time we ate Christmas Dinner, where my Dad had his 60th birthday meal, what day family BBQs fell on. Now in surely her most needful hour she is going to be left alone in a flat with two babies?

I mean of course they will offer some support, but I am honestly shocked that they are assuming she will move out. I'd have thought they'd move heaven and earth to keep her at home, even to the extent of us having my nephew live here (he's always been second best).

Part of what is eating me up is personal. Grandad's fridge, freezer, cooker and basic kitchen things are stored in my sister's garage. For me. For when Mum & Dad get their social housing - they are now on a priority list. Those are now going to A. My sister has an endowment meant to pay for a new car and insurance for A on her 18th birthday. That will now pay to have her new place painted and carpeted, but they need all the things left to me to help furnish it.

What can I say without looking like a beastly, selfish bitch? Can't help how I feel though.
All I can do is remember two wrongs don't make a right. If I act like my neice has preferred family status then I miss the point of being a loving and supportive Aunt. And it's true she has a harder path ahead of her than I do right now.

Please forgive both my rambling and my appalling streak of self-interest.

A huge issue in front of her is providing for 2 kids. Shit, it was hard enough for me when I had one at that age. Wishing them all the best.

Aww, Sundae. That sort of thing is hard on the family, but everyone will pull together. I've only seen my great niece in real life once (she's just now starting to crawl) because they live far away but I will be seeing her more in the coming months.

For us, since we'll never be grandparents, we get the joy of being great aunts. I expect you'll regale us with stories of the twins' shenanigans, or I hope so anyway.

Don't sweat the other stuff. :)

edit: I'm a bit disconcerted about your grandpa's stuff though. That seems a bit...shitty. I'm sorry, hon.

I'm sick.

bleurgh.

Welcome to my world. :( I hope you feel better soon.

I'm a bit disconcerted about your grandpa's stuff though. That seems a bit...shitty. I'm sorry, hon.

Same thing happened with my sister ,She got ALL Our Grand Mothers stuff ALL ,
I got some steak Knifes , and got to help ( do by my self) carry every thing down 3 stories load it on a truck then carry it up a mud hill ( lousey ass truck wouldnt make it up the slope ) to her new house

stay strong and help where you can , you will be a FUN Auntee !!!

Sundae, she totally will need her own place. If she stays at home with two babies everyone will come to resent each other. She'll need her own space, her supporters will need their refuge. It's not like they're shipping her off to Australia.

As for your things, they're in somebody else's garage for an uncertain time in the future when you inherit/live alone in/are forced to move out/what? your parents house? (1) Putting them in your niece's flat and them getting used seems like a win all around to me. And are you sure everyone saw them as yours? or were they just for the next person to need them, the assumption being that that probably would be you? And if they are specifically yours, can't you look on it as a loan until such time as you need them? Often things don't last very well in storage. I'm sure you can find a tactful way to remind them that -whilst you don't begrudge her using them- you will eventually need them. Maybe buy her replacements for the small items each birthday and Christmas instead of an extravagant personal present... Or buy them for you instead of giving her a gift (2) Won't your parents leave what's already in the house/can't you have that?

These are textbook examples of why I stay here. You guys are smart, wise, funny, compassionate.

GAWD I fucking hate this job.

Every time BEAAATCH in accounting has one of her freakout math moments she sends an email to everyone and their dog and they all look at me like "what?" and I'm like "what? what the eff is she even talking about?" and I'm so damn tired of this place.

My job shouldn't be sending me into anxiety attacks every single day, I shouldn't want to throw up before I come in, morale shouldn't be so bad that everyone is walking around on eggshells so as not to upset management but knowing they won't make decent money at any similar job, we all shouldn't be saying 'yes massa no massa" and that phrase didn't come from me it came from Af-Am cow orkers.

There's more to life, isn't there?

Where? Where do I get the lucky I don't have to work agenda? DId I miss a memo? Did I hold my head wrong?

Seriously, I'm so tired of it. :(

Hugs and :flower: to Sundae and IM.

I'm sorry you guys are having a bad go of it right now.

I guess the kitchen stuff is not officially mine, only in assumption. Grandad wanted me to have them and Dad moved them into Laura's specifically for that reason. As I said, Mum & Dad are at the top of the housing list now, so although it's been a long time since I moved in, that time is definitely coming to an end.

I accept they are family items and of course I wouldn't begrudge her having a cooker and a fridge, I just felt pushed out. Illogical. As I pretty much always am with my family. I won't be left without of course.

My parents aren't moving into furnished housing. The Trust only provides the apartment or bungalow at a set rent and does all the maintenance and repairs. It's a specialist charity for older people who want to remain independent but can't necessarily stay in their own houses.

And yes, A will be getting practical present for the next 15 + years from all of us I think :)
My SIL is already being eyed up for her Boots discount card spending power...

Told my close colleagues at school today. It's out there on places like Facebook now, so I'd rather tell them personally. They all have familes, all have at least one daughter and are certainly not judgemental. It was nice to hear positive comments rather than doom & gloom, even if they did wince a little to start with. Two of the staff know my sister's family anyway, and others have children at the same schools as A and my nephew, so it's better to be open - she's showing now as she's petite and it is twins after all..

Oh Infi. I've been there. The feeling nauseous, the anxiety attacks. I was hardly in the rat race but I hated my work so much I felt as burned out as someone who in a job high-powered enough to get £1m bonuses... without the £1m of course.

What can I say - I left it behind and found a job I loved but had to move back home and give up my freedom to do so. And as above, my housing position becomes more precarious every month. Once I am made technically homeless by my parents' move, I should get some form of subsidised housing eventually. But even meeting the bills is going to be damned tough. I might end up taking any extra work I can find. At present I am constantly searching for a second job but rejecting fast food work and cleaning as jobs that will give me the same feelings you are having now. But if it comes to work at KFC or go without electricity I won't have a choice.

Chin up. You're doing far better than you think.

Yeah, following your bliss is a myth. The only way you can do that is to first prostitute yourself out to someone with money.

Or win the lottery.

But I'm not bitter.

My freaky eye is getting freakier - the upper eyelid still has bumps and now I have a swollen lower eyelid. If I didn't already have an appointment tomorrow I'd be down there now begging them to squeeze me in before the end of the day. Everything about eyes freaks me the hell out and I don't like this one bit!
Hayfever may be exacerbating the problem so I've taken a pill and put some eye drops in. I need to calm down. My eye and I will survive until morning, right? ... RIGHT?
:P

Just as I figured: sputter spit w-w-w-w-hat? Please to provide an answer by close of business tomorrow.

I provided MY answer. Sent it to my boss with all the numbers from 3 years and two programs, for millions and millions and millions of dollars, laid out in a nice spreadsheet. Fresh and clear as a bell. THREE freaking weeks ago.

But boss didn't answer the Wigs O' Big and I once again look bad after Panic Lady reiterated the question today and again including the ones who are all "wh-wh-wh...?"

Something needs to change, but I don't know how or where. :mecry:

Was it on an email? What I'd do is resend the original email, with a "You don't seem to have received my email of three weeks ago" message. To your boss, cc (or bcc if you're feeling sneaky) to everyone else that matters and a few that don't. Cover Your Ass that way. ((((hugs))))

I know. But numbers have changed in some areas (unclosed years) so to resend those numbers doesn't really give the big picture.

I'm updating the spreadsheet then I will reply to my boss and her boss saying something innocuous about the numbers changing since my original reply 3 weeks ago.

I'm NOT the problem here. :(

Thanks limey.

Attaboy!

Oh I'm &Sundae- i wish i was at a reg. Keyboard i would say more but the kindle does not lend itself to fluent thought.

I'm thinking of you both - not that they does any good!
I feel for you both - been there. Both the family thing and the job thing. Hugs.

IM...it seems like only yesterday you started that job and had such high hopes. I'm sorry it's all gone pear shaped. Is it time to move on?

Talking about finding your bliss and having to prostitute yourself for the job you really want. Sounds like marriage to me. ;)

Sundae - I reckon you've had enough time to bitch and moan about this problem. Maybe it's time to get the shit off the liver and say what you need to say to the relevant people, then get on with the job of helping your niece. She's going to need your love and support a lot more than your resentment, and although it doesn't happen often, I tend to agree with monsters post above even if it does sound a bit harsh.

I hope you both come out of this smelling like roses, cause shit stinks. ;)

I don't think Sundae sounds one bit resentful. FTR, Sundae, I think
I know how you feel. Similar has happened in.my family.-)

Thanks Ali.

I am really being negative, and I hate feeling this way. There are so many good things about this job. For one thing, my cow orkers are some of the best people on earth. But there's pressure from above and even the seasoned (years and years) professionals are war-weary.

I found out on the way out tonight that one of my esteemed colleagues had to stay over...not because she was behind or had been off, but because she helped out by taking someone's place today and therefore wasn't doing her "priority" role today. (I'm being as vague as possible.) But this woman...and the rest of the crew...they're incredible people and they work very hard. We only hear about the things we do wrong.

I'll be OK. Part mid-life crisis and part some sense of entitlement I guess that I should be going in to 'fun' not 'work.' Meaning, of course, that work is work and while parts of it can be great fun it's still work and fraught with obstacles. I'm just old and bloated and tired. ;)

Bri, thanks sweetie. I felt guilty about being such a noodge but your supportive words made me feel better. :)

That wasn't harsh, honey, that was the fucking sugar-coated version.

Infi, resend the original email as per limey, then mention that some of the figures have changed and you are working on that right now to give them an even more up-to-date version.

Thats EXACTLY where I was for about 5 years at my previous job.
I gotta say things financially SUCK for me right now,
but NOT having to deal with that A-HOLE anymore is Priceless.
I eat better, I feel better. I sleep better, I don't feel sick when I wake up every Sunday
because I know in 24 hours I'll be dealing with that BS. nope not me - not anymore.
I'm still looking for that happy medium...

Wow. You just described someone in my life (again, have to be so very careful with details) who lost her job...clear out of the blue. She was devastated.

But...she's happy again. She, also, doesn't get that burning sick pain in her stomach on Sunday anymore.

There has to be a happy medium, right? She's lucky in that she's not doing this by herself. You are. I am. I'm terrified of losing my job yet it almsot seems a relief. So I'd cash in my retirement and lose a bunch of it but there's enough there I could follow my bliss. For a while.

I do wish you luck, classic.

I've almost nailed down the numbers (running reports takes time, too) but I needed to send another transmission today. I told my boss what I was working on, mentioning the old email, and let her know I'd have the numbers tomorrow when I get there (picking up car in a.m. and I'm on late shift so I don't need to be there until ten but I will probably just go in at nine.)

Tomorrow I will have the new numbers and a new email. My boss tends to stick up for me (mostly because if I were gone she'd have an even huger work load) but I doubt at the expense of 'herself.'

So I have to cover my ass, as limey said. I hate having to CMA. It seems like such a childish thing to have to do.

Thanks
I've been working PT for a friend (temporary situation) for less than what unemployment pays.
He is paying me more than the going rate because I have previous experience in his industry.
I can't afford to pay my bills this way either. :(
I'm doing manual labor. Not exactly what I thought I'd be doing with my life right now,
but at least I'm doing something. He's happy because I'm actually good at it.
Its nice to get up and work and be appreciated by not only my boss, but also the clients. That feels good.

Well, I think you can say things that people need to hear without making them feel worse about themselves.

If that was sugar coated, I doubt anyone would benefit from your alternative version.

Isn't he the president of Mexico?

no - Thats Emanuelle Labor'

I sent the email. Actually, resent the one from Mar 02, with the updated spreadsheet and a new message.

Even the spreadsheet has the original date and is named "updated 0320."

We'll see.

Sigh...

Sounds bloody miserable, Infi. I totally sympathise.

I am done "bitching and moaning". In fact if Monster hadn't posted something I felt warranted an acknowledgement and furth explanation I would have written even less.

I doubt they want my love or support, but it will be on offer anyway.

What do you resent?

Oh, you resent it? Was it recent, the one you resent?

Sorry. Typo. I meant "reazent" which means "to smack a smartass in the face, with gusto." ;)

Of course they do, you silly numpty!

Sorry Sundae. xx

I agree with limey above though.

The job I was supposed to start this week fell through. Next time, I think I will keep my lip zipped until I'm at least a full week in. :cry:

Awww CRAP.

Sundae, you will be invaluable to your niece. Do what you do best. Offer your shopping services. With her money for what she wants, getting the best deals as you know how. Shopping is one of the hardest things to do with 3-month-olds. Encourage her to invite her friends around, and bake cakes for her to serve.

"Offer love and support"? Either you love and you are there for her or you are not. No-one else can dictate that, it cannot be "stopped", it's not something to be "offered", it is unconditional. That said, it may not be well received. tough cookies for them. You love her, you're going to be there for her. period.

Why do you not see her breastfeeding? This is such a money saver as well as best for the baby. Even if you are revolted by the idea, it's surely in her best interest to try, so maybe you can be supportive there -I suspect from what you are saying (although i could be extrapolating wildly) that the family is not going to be supportive on that.... maybe because she's still their little girl and they can't even think of her having boobs never mind using them? She's going to need a strong advocate if she's going to try.

The list is endless. But what she doesn't need is to feel antagonism within the family. If what you can help her with is contrary to what the rest of the family thinks is a good idea, you need to just separate/back off a little bit from the family rather than stay close and get stressed about it. IMO

Monstah be wise !!

Re breastfeeding - I am all for it. I worked for a midwife for three years, and we sold and rented expressers and pumps and all that jazz.

I'm working on the assumption that the rates are very low for teens, her Mum didn't breastfeed (she found the idea revolting) and it is a longer process than bottle feeding; having twins I think she might reject it out of hand as being too hard.

I have taken all advice from here on board. And I do intend to try to get closer to her.
Mum saw her last night at football. They didn't talk about it. My sis has still not told my brother. My BIL refused to enter the bar because the father was seen in there.

I'm not the only fruitloop in the family.
Anyway, I'll move this from the upset thread because I'm not.

Going to ask her when her scan is. She'll probably know the sex then (identical twins) so I can start looking for deals for her. I'm already on board re the pushchair. Not sure if she'll listen though. I'll be suggesting best advice for health and she might want to go for the once with the prettiest parasol. She wouldn't be the first :)

When you're finished with your niece you can come do all that for me. :) You can be the live in nanny too if you like. I can't pay you, but I'll be very grateful. ;)

I'll work for bed, board and beer.
Then again, you might find it cheaper to pay for a real duenna at that rate!

Next scan is tomorrow. She is having them every two weeks.
She was asked last time if she wanted to know the gender but declined, because the bf wasn't there. He'll be there tomorrow so I'll know by the end of the day.

I can't even go into it. All I will say is that the bullshit goes on.

Now I need to throw up.

kthx

I'll come down there and kick some ass for you.

I'll kick it good.-_

I might just quit.

You're not a quitter, IM.

You know, I just went out for a smoke and a young man walked by, kind of struttin' and grinnin'. He looked at me and said "I just passed my exam with an A!" Never met him before in my life.

Yeah, that's why I'm here. I gave him a "woot! That's awesome!"

You're right, I'm not a quitter. I'm just sick of the crap. I'm not alone: the other professional staff is feeling the same way.

I can picture you now. Jumping up on the front desk.
Attachment 37968

you need to perpetrate some pranks.

serious

fill her umbrella up with hole puncher confetti. harmless, and fun!

Stuff confetti.


Anthrax.

Sons Spec Ed teacher is leaving next month. Totally pissed. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
They have developed a fantastic relationship. Heck shes been more a mother than his bio-mom.
Got no idea who will be nor how he'll react to the new one.

Sorry classic. That sucks. Leaving mid-year is a big deal, is she pregnant or is there something else going on?

$$$$$$$$$
She is leaving to better provide for her family. I don't begrudge her that.
It just sucks that it will come at the expense of my sons last year.
There isn't anyone here to blame. I didn't intend it to come off that way.

well... shit.

That's a real bummer classic, but you never know. Maybe another teacher will come along who is even more wonderful.

It's possible. :) Try and be positive