Went to see him with her today.
She was right, he didn't know me.
I know he hears Mum, because she talks to him for 30 minutes non-stop and she can still get him to try and sip a drink. But he might just think she is a nurse with a familiar voice.

He stays curled up now, and his face is so sunken. His mouth was open today, his tongue lolling out. There is no longer enough of him present to close it.

He is officially on Pathway Care.
And the path doesn't exactly end at Chair Aerobics.
He'll get more frequent visits, staff will try to get him to drink every time, all his medicine is provided in liquid form and he is to be made as comfortable as possible.
Next step is back oin a drip, but Mum has made it clear she does not want him back in hospital. He's dying of old age and she can cope with that. She couldn't bear to have him die of neglect.

Big sigh.
Not long now Grandad. Just the last weary pull up the hill.

I'm so sorry, Sundae.

I miss my grandparents. I was thinking about my grandma on Saturday, wishing I could ask her advice about something and wishing I'd asked her all this when I could. But, I didn't know that the situation would be something I'd ask her advice about, at the time. I don't really 'believe' in anything, but I feel like she's with me sometimes when I'm particularly sad and lonely.

I think a lot of my younger sis-in-law, when her grandfather died, and she told me the whole family was at his bedside and as sad as it was, it was a beautiful thing. She's really got her head on straight in dealing with passages. Me, not so much.

I wish your grandfather peace, and peace to you and to your mother.

I'm sorry, too, Sundae. I never know what to say in these situations.

I'm thinking of you and your family.

*hugs*

You have been there for him every step of the way, Sundae. I can only hope that when I am old, someone will come make me sandwiches and talk to me and love me as much as you have your grandad. I'm sorry for you and your mum that his time has come, but his time here was better for having you in it.

So sorry to read this.

Sundae, I'm sorry that you are losing him.

This.

Don't dwell on him as he is now, remember him how he was and talk to him about that. It will comfort both of you. Know that he is in no pain and the place you have chosen for him is a good one where his needs will be met.

So sad to read this. My sympathy to you and your family.

And what Monster said.

Daughter. Not home from dance. "I thught I'd OKd it with you to sleepover.....

but that's how teenagers are.

More than that.... why did the person (the most trustworthy and on the ball person I knew) who I arranged to give her a ride HOME not mention that this didn't happen?

SG - Clod and Monster are right on the button - but I think you know that. Hugs, dearie!

Monster - shouldn't this be in the pissed off parent thread?! No, but seriously, bummer that the supposed responsible one(s) didn't check in with you. Hugs, as well!

A huge sense of dread
 

is overwhelming me this morning. About what, I have no idea. I have a huge vacuuous knot at the bottom of my ribcage, like the feeling you get when you hear the breadwinner of the household has been laid off, or you've been cheated of something that was dear to you. Not dead relative type bad. but bad. I don't get feelings like this very often and it's upsetting me. What is going to go wrong, how bad will it be and will I recover from it? I feel like whatever it is is something that isn't my fault and is undeserved, but also unpreventable. This is so weird. and horrible. I don't think it was something I ate last night......

Seriously, the feeling wasn't there first thing this morning, I slept well last night, but not enough so went back to bed between school runs, and then went back to bed again, but that's when this feeling arrived and I couldn't sleep even though I was still desperately tired.....

Am I going (more) insane? I feel like this sometimes when I've poked a wasps nest in some organization or other, but the nest I poked last night was very small and I just read the first reply which was positive and the feeling hasn't gone away. I'd've been almost relieved if it was that.....

Sorry you've got that feeling of dread. I get it from time to time and it sucks! Usually there's a good reason for it, like I've been procrastinating and the shit is about to hit the fan.

If you can't locate a reason, Monster, it's likely just a minor (and hopefully short-lived) chemical imbalance.

Last week I had a bad guilt-attack.
I couldn't trace it to anything.
It was like an emotional hangover from the (really serious) drinking days.
Luckily it was a school day - so I'd seen my parents already - no issues there. And then got into work - no-one had a problem with me there. And then Tiger had a fit of giggles at a conversation exercise I'd come up with and the knot seemed to dissolve.

Hope yours is of a similar duration.

That reminds me ... :worried:

Monster, you're probably exhausted. You're always on the go, taking care of everyone and everything. So you take a few minutes to recognize the exhaustion and then you feel like you should be doing something. Your brain and body are out of synch. I bet you never take a day just for you.

I could be wrong. I'm just speculating?

Hope you feel better soon.

yeah, that's totally the one. And I have been procrastinating (when have I not?) But I don't see the shit about to hit the fan. Well maybe I do, but i'm really not that bothered by that one......

oh dear. I guess it might be subsiding a little. nah, that's wishful thinking. it's kind of like I forgot to do a tax return, but I didn't. And the one filing i haven't done has no late penalty -I never do that one on time

thanks. I am exhausted. besst was away all weekend for the second weekend on the run and the schedule was nuts. But I do take time for me. Figure skating has started again. and pottery will start next week.....

Beware the red light cameras
 

The red light (stop light) cameras are spreading across the US and Canada.
This site lets you zoom in on locations and you can add to their database if you know of more.
.
.
.

For our Aussie dwellars, these red light cameras are assets of the Redflex Corp, based in Victoria.
So every US and Canandian traffic ticket fine contributes $ to the Australian economy.
Maybe I should be buying stock in this company...

and No, I have not run one of these red lights (yet)
They just make me anxious and irritated because it's easy to forget they are always watching.

I might have got picked up by one of those cameras last weekend, but we were driving a car with no license plates so I'm probably OK.

I had a close one last week. I'm not sure if I slipped through or not. Two "hobos" jaywalked in front of me as I entered an intersection so I had to brake in the intersection for the camera...

If your cameras work like ours do, you should be okay. They get you if you enter the intersection against a red.

You still lose 200 points for failing to run down two jay-walking hobos, though.

I've been caught by one - a few years ago.
There is a lawyer somewhere who fights these cases. He wins every time.
I heard him on the radio one day doing an interview. There was also a piece about how they cause MORE accidents at some intersections and they are being removed.

Yes, some places have removed them... rear end collisions and the like.

But just like to other kinds of red light districts or the lotteries,
the $ can be hard to resist when the city has little/nothing to do but cash the check.
.

I love red light cameras and wish that every intersection had four. If every intersection had them, then people would actually stop for the red light every time. It's not hard, because they have these neat things called yellow lights that warn you when the red light is coming.

What I don't like are the speed cameras. The law tells us what the speed limit is, but everyone, including the police, knows that the speed limit isn't real. The real sped limit is some incremental amount above the actual speed limit. But there is no agreement on what this incremental amount is, and that causes problems. Who knows what the cameras are set for?

Income.

The thing that has always struck me as bogus about speed limits is when you get on a toll road where you take a ticket as you enter. The time you entered is stamped on the ticket as is the location. When you get off the highway it would be easy enough to note the time elapsed and distance traveled. Obvious if you were speeding the whole way. Wouldn't catch people who speed from rest stop to rest stop to bring down their average, but it would be a huge deterrent to everyone.

I also spoke with a guy who operated the MV emissions inspection at DMV in CT. They put the car on rollers and run it at 30mph. The machine displays your simulated speed. He said he has never seen a car's speedometer agree with the machine and usually they were off by 5-10mph. At 30mph!

So, it is an inexact science.

But they could take a short-cut.

The cops just rely on the time honored speed trap around here. The next town east of mine has a speed limit that goes abruptly from 65mph to 35mph with no warning and a cop who hides behind the liquor store with his radar gun. If you're local, you know to slow down, but the tourists are caught in droves. That speed trap probably pays for 90% of municipal expenses.

monster - I know what you mean.

Some days are twisted humbugs and good only for small demons to feast upon.

well no shit fan combo occurred really. the next day was similar but not so bad, I tried to go back to bed the second time again (well i did) but then remembered someone was coming to drop stuff off "on their way to work" (so early ish) so i got up and showered and the uneasy eased...... I think it was some kind of guilt thing over going back to bed twice or something when i had shit to do, rather than any specific foreboading. If my conscious can give myself a break now and again, why can't my subconscious? :lol:

Busy day today: walk&run followed by figure skating class followed by gardening. some good sleep tonight I hope. Although thor currently in bed with fever, so there's a possibility of being up all night with feverish and not sleepy/barfing child.....

It started a couple of days ago.

Dazza complained that he feels pressured to come home at a certain time (which is not my intention) because I ask him what time he'll be home and I told him that if I don't ask, he doesn't tell me, and I always try to put a meal on the table for my family, so it gets wasted if he stays late and eats at the office etc. I told him that I consider it my job, and that if he doesn't at least try and let me know, he's showing no respect for the effort I put in for him.

Anyway, so the very next day, he sends me an email saying he wont be home till 9pm and I thought, well that's a start, but what happened was I left his dinner for him to reheat, but when he got home he said he'd already eaten, so I think, "fuck you with a fat stick sideways areshole! Don't you listen to a word I say???" I said nothing though because I'm sick of wasting my fucking breath.

So yesterday, I went to visit my cousin and another one came as well, and we were sitting having a chat and Lisa asks me how things are going with Annie (a cousin from the other side of the family) and I said fine as far as I know and so Lisa then tells me that she heard from the oldies that she's got hodgkins disease and they gave her the wrong Chemo and now she's going to die.

I lose myself in tears as they tell me my brother was telling the aunts at a familiy picnic we couldn't get to on the weekend because of other commitments.

So then I start to see red and wonder why my fuckhead of a brother can't pick up the phone and tell me, his only sister about our cousins illness before he tells family members who aren't even actually related!

I tried to ring my brother, but he didn't answer, so in the end, I rang Annie.

Turns out it's her mother (my dead mothers only sister), but she had hodgekins from ages ago and she's been undergoing treatment for it for many years and I'm very much aware of her situation, except that I didn't know he liver almost collapsed from all the drugs and that she was in hospital.

It's still very upsetting realising that the fight my Aunty Anne (yes, same name as her daughter) has been fighting is drawing to a close and that she's not expected to live all that much longer, but it's been on the cards for years, and we've all considered it a miracle that she's still with us, so not quite as bad as finding out my perfectly healthy cousin is about to die - which of course she's not, but for those minutes I suffered all the grief and shock just as if she was.

So pretty much people in my family doing the usual family gossip thing and everything gets ballsed up and I'm the one that has to go through that, on a day where I'm already feeling fragile because of the non words I've had with my husband.

So last night I drank two bottles of wine and took sleeping tablets.

Today I feel like shit, but at least I'm in control.

Wow Ali - thats a lot of bad to deal with all at once. (Hugs)

I was shocked when I found out how little the jurisdiction actually got and how much the police pay to have them there.

I guess there is a savings involved also from not having an officer at the intersection, but still.

Ali, men are really clueless sometimes. He heard you said wanted to know when he's coming home. So, he emailed you the time. Perhaps he thought 9PM is late and that meant he wouldn't be eating at home. Tell him again that you'd like to know if he'll be eating at home or not so you can leave him dinner. And yes, add that you would also like to know when he's coming home if you would also like that info. Trust me, he may drop that info and just say he's gonna eat or not. It's not that they don't listen, they just sometimes don't understand what we're trying to say. I hope you feel better, Ali. :)

I agree with Lola - Its all the woman's fault. :rolleyes:

Lola, although I appreciate your suggestions, and they may partly be true, this is an ongoing issue which I've begged him to get help with because he's not getting the idea from me.

He had an abusive upbringing till he was about 12, after which time his mother basically left him to fend for himself. He's never learned how to care how his actions affect others and he was more or less single till we married 5 yrs ago. By single I mean he'd never really lived with a woman before. His living arrangements were either him by himself or with other bachelors.

He just has no idea, and after about 7 years of trying to show him a better way, I'm at my wits end. He needs counselling to deal with what happened to him as a child which is a direct catalyst to the type of behaviour I am trying to deal with now.

It's not that I don't love him or feel he doesn't love me. He just doesn't believe the issues are that bad, but they've just about reached breaking point because the kids are picking up his habits, and are starting to believe that's the way it's meant to be, and I'm not going to have that.

Anyway, can you tell I'm still pissed off?

Oh, and on top of that, my butthead brother hasn't apologised for his stupid decisions either. I'm surrounded by men who seem to think it's ok to treat me like a fucking idiot mushroom who needs to be fed a constant stream of shit.

Ack, Ali, hon, that sounds horrid. Hate that churned up feeling. Hope today gets brighter. And as you say, at least today you feel in control.

Thanks Dana. I think I'll have a nice hot shower then go to bed soon. I'm buggered, and it'll be a big day tomorrow. They're letting my Aunt go home, and I'm the one who's going to be taking her there, so I guess I'll probably be pretty busy with her most of the day. Then some friends are having a party for their 20th wedding anniversary in the evening, and then footy break up party on Saturday. I think I'll need a holiday soon.

What's Upsetting Me Today?
 

A large, wet, muddy puddle under and around the fire hydrant in my front yard.

:facepalm:

Ali, just try to remember they are not doing this to hurt or upset you.
I'm sure both love you.

I'm not on a high horse, I'd be talking consideration and manners and all sorts of swear words if I was in that situation.
Maybe you & Dazza should consider counselling together. If'n you could ever get him there.
It doesn't mean crisis, it doesn't mean imminent break-up, it just means someone to mediate and give you ideas and examples of how to talk to eachother.

Re your bro - meh.
I can never please my sister. But then she doesn't give a shit about me. I'm only there to be complained about. Being blood does not mean thinking or feeling the same way.

It's shitty for you, but at least you have good people in your family so you can get the truth.

Hang in there chick.
Family (blood or marriage) conflict is the worst, because it leaves you without a safe haven.
Hope things get better.

Ali: Sorry to hear about your situation. I actually have more to say but being a single person, whatever opinions I have is just superficial and unrealistic to your situation. I hope everything will work out eventually. Btw, I'm glad today is better for you. (Saw your comment from another thread. :))

I'm upset because I feel like I'm losing a closeness I have with a friend that means a lot to me. :(

This is so frustrating!
 

This morning I woke up and went to put on my glasses when I discovered that the left lens had fallen out. Huh? I'm sure it was there when I was reading in bed last night. I'd have noticed it was missing because my eye sight is awful. I am legally blind without corrective lenses. My back-up glasses are an old pair that is so scratched up, they are almost worthless.

So, I started the search with only one eye. I looked EVERYWHERE - under the bed, beside the bed. I shook out all the bed clothes - nothing. I got out the broom and swept under the bed - nothing except a few dust balls. I checked the hamper in my bedroom, shaking everything out - nothing. I have gone over my bedroom three times now - nothing. That lens has got to be there, but its not.

It will cost me two or three hundred dollars to order a replacement lens. I don't have two or three hundred dollars. And I bet as soon as I go down and order it (assuming I can scrape the money up), the damn lens will turn up somewhere. I'm probably missing it because I can only see out of one eye.

And I have a headache.

Damn, damn, damn...

It's developed into a business. I think that is among the biggest complaints about them, not that they don't catch speeders or people who run the red lights. We have a few here.

Seriously, buy that shit online. Just don't tell Spexxvet about it.

I know you can get deals on contact lenses on line, but it seems to me that lenses for glasses would be trickier. For one thing the lens would have to be ground to fit my frames which they don't have. :confused:

You just send them your frames or if you know the model number and make send them that info.

Check out:

http://www.cheapglasses123.com
http://www.39dollarglasses.com
http://www.eyeglasslensdirect.com/

Hey thanks, Foot. Great prices! At those prices I can buy a decent set of spares if nothing else. I'll check them out. :)

no problem. Gong to a brick and mortar eyeglasses place is for rich people.

Okay.
So it turns out Grandad is nowhere near to the end of the road as Mum has been telling us.
I've had this before with her, but this time I thought she was for real.
But from what I heard today, she's known for some time.

It's not attention or sympathy seeking behaviour from her, it's just extreme pessimism and "preparing for the worst".

I went to visit Grandad with her today and heard with my own ears that "as we said before, he could stay in this situation for months". And then I overheard a phone call to her brother in which she made it clear that she'd told him in a previous weekly call.
Not me though. Yeah, thanks.

She's been shitty all day - possibly because she is worried about her dad hanging on and whether he is in pain. Possibly because she is just in a shitty mood anyway.

I'm getting one word answers from her - even when I was trying to sort out how we could both use the oven at the same time - me for bread, her for dinner tonight. Which I was dis-invited to. "You have your own dinner tonight, right? Just that there won't be enough to go round otherwise. We could stretch it of course..."

Yes, I have more than one thing I can eat tonight.
But the usual deal is I get my dinner served in the kitchen (since I refused to eat with her after the coughing incident when she disappeared for three days, oh and the time she ruined Christmas) and then I do as much of the washing and wiping up as I can while they are eating dessert at the dining table.
And she asked me at gone 15.00. Not this morning when we went to the supermarket together. Not 12.00 when I was going to the local shop to see if I could buy milk powder.

I don't mind it much. The coughing spasms passed a long while back (yup, they were an affectation) but I don't like hearing her spin on weekly events. It makes her out to be a cross between Joan of Arc and Mother Theresa, while describing everyone else as a drone or a complete arse.

I might feel differently tomorrow.
I over-react to her it's true.

But today she's done my nut.

Still. I can smell my beer bread rising.
And I can hear Diz knocking beebles through the cat maze.
Life could be worse.

*hugs*

My mom is driving me nuts, too, but for a diff. reason.

She forgets what she said five min. after she's said it and I can't fooking take it anymore.

I'm hearing the same shit every two minutes. She's got a gold-fish brain.

Sorry Bri. Dad's not down to two minutes but it is the same shit every time I talk to him.

Yep. I'm right there with ya, cept mine is still a teenager.

FTR she cheered up enormously and was lovely about my bread.

Realised today that she's gone for her final scan post-lumpectomy.
So I'm glad I came on here and vented rather than behaving like a bitch to her face.

Just remember, its really frustrating for him, too. He's lucky to have a Dad who makes the attempt to listen, too.

a coworker that can't mind his own business and a panel that has more design flaws than a ford pinto. is today over yet?

Thanks Sam - I am learning patience that I previously never knew existed.

Off to a sort of "funeral service" tomorrow night. There is an official name, but I can't remember it. It's a Mass said when the deceased will be buried overseas. It might be a standard Requiem Mass.

It's the father of an old school friend (who I haven't reeally seen since I was 13).
We're going because Mum knows the family well and has been going to the same Mass as the couple for years. Me being at school with the daughter is secondary - I'm there for Mum, she's there for the wife.

But it will be sombre.
She's my age and her Dad has died.

I'm doing a practice run in decorating the Angry Bird cookies for my nephew's birthday party. They are so much more freaking hard than I thought. I over estimated myself. :( Now I'm really stressed that I can't pull this off. I finally had to take two Advil that I was putting off cuz I've been drinking meds every day the past week. Ugh!