:lol: I think you'll soon feel right at home here.....

Hi Monster, i'll stay here for as long as you are accepting me :)
Goodnite, oh wait, you must have sleeping by now- sweet dream then!
Loss.

Freeze, You're Arrested!
One Monster.com member remembers an interview that was a bust:

Toward the end of my interview with a Fortune 100 company, the interviewer offered me the job. Before I could say anything, the police and the fire marshal came into the office and arrested the interviewer. On the way out the door, he turned and said, "I hope this doesn't sour you on working for the company.

The Accidental Salesperson sees the bright side: At least there's one less person you have to climb over on your way to the top.



A Christmas Story


Monster.com member Melinda1260 recalls this holiday story:

Sales were great the week before Christmas, and everyone was caught up in wrapping gifts. Glancing up, I spotted a shoplifter at work. She could not see me, and I knew I couldn't prosecute if I lost eye contact with the thief. Everyone at the counter started laughing at the poorly wrapped package. The thief looked my way and started running. I yelled, "Stop, thief!" She turned around and asked if I was talking to her. I described every item she had taken. After retrieving more than $400 worth of merchandise, I went back to the counter where the customer was waiting for his badly wrapped package. He said, "I will take my package just like it is. It will make a good story when we open the presents.

The Accidental Salesperson replies: That's a wrap.

Ummm.... they weren't actually very funny. But maybe I'm just pissed because monster.com got more famous than I did.....

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

I work in a call centre in Norwich and we've just been told our jobs are moving to India. I'm so excited! I've always wanted to visit India and with the salary they pay me I'll be able to live like a Maharaja over there. Well done Aviva, keep up the good work. --Charles Turner

WHY don't NHS bosses start hiring obsessive compulsives as nurses? Their attention to hygiene and constant hand washing would see an end to MRSA outbreaks in no time. --Stu Bray

What is it with diabetics? One minute they're on the floor with a loved one standing by screaming "Give him some chocolate! Give him some chocolate!" The next day someone offers them a piece of chocolate and quick as a flash they say "No thanks, I'm diabetic." I wish they'd get their story straight. --T Potter

Why is it always people who say 'bring back hanging' who also say 'hanging's too good for them'? Make your right wing minds up. --Christina Martin

Alton Towers - 'Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says. Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30. --Colum Hill

When I nipped into a McDonald's to use their toilets the other day, I was confronted by a spotty teenager mopping up vomit just by the lavatory. On the back of his T-shirt it said 'I'm Lovin' it!', but the poor sod's face told a different story. --Tommo, Hull

I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme. She was sent by DHL next day delivery. --Paul Mulraney, Belfast

On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road. --T Barnham, London

I recently bought a bottle of brown sauce which carried the warning 'Do not use if seal is broken'. As soon as I opened it the seal broke, immediately rendering it unusable. I wonder how many other innocent shoppers, especially pensioners, have fallen for this evil scam. --Franco

Why do sharks live in saltwater?


Pepperwater makes them sneeze.

let's see if I can do this right...
 

A manager is told he is going to have to lay one of his employees off, and he has it narrowed down to two choices, either Elaine or Jack. The day comes, and he still can’t decide, so he tells himself he’ll just fire the first one who takes a drink out of the water fountain outside his door.

Along comes Elaine, still hung over from a night out on the town, and takes a drink out of the water fountain. The manager comes out and says “Elaine, I’m sorry to tell you, I’m going to have to either lay you or Jack off…” and she says “Well, the way I feel this morning, you may as well just jack off.”

(Via email)

What did the blond say when she saw a banana peel on the sidewalk ahead of her?



"Oh no, not again!!"

Actually I heard this happened at the Church, and he pasted the photos under the pews. He went through with the ceremony until he was asked "Do you take..." and he said, "No, and if you want to know why, look under your seat". Then he said "Fuck You" to each, and told her parents they had raised a slut and said, "I'm outta here" and left.

He wanted to make sure her parents were mad at her because they had to pay for the wedding and because she had embarrassed them.

The Snopes page for this urban legend.

That reminds me of the one about the stagecoach that turned down the wrong path to the General Store...

http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/sex...ercard_wed.htm

eta, jeeze I must've taken a long time to hit post on this one -flint and classicman posted meanwhile! :lol:

I figured it was fake. I just heard it a different way.

No. You believed it.