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This just in-
Thugs have hijacked a truck containing a huge shipment of viagra. The police as well as other local authorities are advising citizens of the community to be on the look out for hardened criminals.:)
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Open wide and say-
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1. I thought we were done apologizing.
2. j03, I have absolutely no clue what you're apologizing for. :confused: (I thought the viagra joke was funny ...) |
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2. Sure wish I could take full credit for that one, caught it on the Letterman show one night long ago.:) |
Two guys go into a not so very well lit tavern of midevil design. "Bartender", the first one shouts into the darkness. No reply. Once again the first one shouts out for a drink and the bartender doesn't seem to notice. Then the second one says "he's deaf, don't you get it already?". The first one says to the second one, "you are shitting me, right?". "I am absolutely not" says number two and adds "not only that but the moron can't see so the drinks are absolutely on the house and FREE of charge". -Something a little tiny and ignorant monkey once told me.
AHAHAHH. Good night.:) |
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Simply implying-
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seems like a lot of thinking. not sure its funny even then. but i did like the viagra one. :)
~james |
Diary of a Madman
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-the little doll is YOU? I just dunno and thank heavens for the ever present reality of voice altering headgear during orthodontics (as well as the original vocal recordings of the first few solo abums). I wrote and sang the past three solo albums in 1984, with merely an upper retainer firmly in position. |
I must be the devil since the southern baptists say so, right? Although I volunteered to a david bowie looking mother fucker, I don't recall volunteering to be the 'devil', ever. Don't ever ask me to go to church with you, or why I ever dared jesus to 'come back', after the life of torment I have lived. Mostly in part and way shape and form of a most painful and undetected upon birth, defect. Don't try to define me, I will only embarass you and without at all meaning to. None of you ever knew what you were purposely shitting on through your ignorantely worded euphorisms and immature and not so well informed mis-actions.
But I still maintain in my own usual and hopeless (to you) course of merely wishfull thnking that I might just be able to overlook your own thoughtless ways when it is YOUR turn to have to pretend to be just totally stupid just to insure that everything remains the way you think it should be. If you want to know the answer, whatever you do- don't ask me.:) |
OK, this one's better in person . . . but here goes:
Joe Sixpack is nursing a brew on a barstool next to some pencil-necked French guy. Pierre, drinking a Mai Tai, periodically (and subtly) sniffs his finger and murmurs to himself "Aaah, Fifi." After he does this a few times, Joe asks Pierre's what's up with the finger-thing? "Oh, mon ami, I am sorry to disturb you, but I was just with my girlfriend, Fifi, and her lovely scent still lingers on my finger." Joe says, "Yeah, I know whatcha mean," takes a huge snort of his arm, from the shoulder down to the fingertips and blurts out "Myrtle!" New to the Cellar but having fun watching the antics. I'm not so sure I should get too close to some of the cages though -- you know what they say about the Jaguars; when they turn their backs to you and lift their tails, it's time to run! 99 44/100% pure |
Jag, put your tail down and turn around...good boy.
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What do you get when you cross a mule with an onion?
An ass that runs forever.:)
Can't believe my last post here yesterday. Shocking but most truthful, that's why I am leaving it there. truly yours, joe q. elliot |
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