Now that would make for an interesting game!

From the daughter of some friends of ours:

Girl: Did you know that the ocean is 100 feet deep?!
Mr. Clod: Really? All of it?
Girl: Huh?
Mr. Clod: Is that the deepest it goes, or are just some parts 100 feet deep?
Girl: Well... the part in the back.

As we were driving my 6-yr old G-daughter said: "That was a female tree"
I naively asked "What do you mean ? How do you know ?"
She said: "Because it didn't have any peanuts"

We have another woodchuck this year who is too wary to get into the trap, so I borrowed a friend's rifle to shoot him. The inch is very excited about killing the woodchuck as is his 3 yo sister, the mm. He wants to eat it when we shoot it and make woodchuck burgers. So there has been a lot of talk about eating "The Fatbody" their nickname for the woodchuck.

Yesterday the mm was talking on the phone to her grandma and said, "Daddy didn't kill the Fatbody so he's making pizza instead."

I'm sure grandma had absolutley no idea WTF the mm was talking about but said, "That's nice."

Here's a twofer ...or maybe a threefer....

Yesterday i sent thor to get the Wheelie Bin/trash can from the kerb/curb, and he said "oh dear, it looks like the lid has become disisolated"! I love the sound of malaprop in the morning

Then this afternoon they were watching some cartoon crap or other and I heard something about a Humongous Whore.

Turns out it was a Humungosaur ... then once we'd established that (and Hebe maybe got what i thought I'd heard), the creature exclaimed "oh no, my ball fell off!" at which point all three kids lost it, closely followed by their mother.

Should I lose my mom card for this?

"Why did you tear [the bottom of the sheet from school] off?"

"You're just supposed to sign the bottom part."

"Am I supposed to read the top part?"

"Naaah you don't need to."

"Uhhhh.. yeah, right.... bring it here..."

And what did the top part say??

Yeah, I'm curious too. :D

/I misread that as pop tart/

Oh, it was just a generic "Hi, I'm the PE teacher, here's what we're doing this year, you have to be dressed appropriately for PE, you need a doctor's note to be excused, blah blah blah." Nothing that interesting--sorry!

It said, "You want empty calories... lots of em.... yummmmm just look at that cherry frosting!"

Hmm Pop tart letters home here read more like :no spaghetti straps, shorts must go past the fingertips, no obscene words on clothing....

Not a parent thing, but it was funny. We've been watching a documentary about the history of European settlement in Australia. The second episode dealt with Tasmania. Apparently, the whalers and sealers who came to the coast of Tassie were a particularly noxious bunch and kidnapped Aboriginal women for nefarious purposes. Anyway, I'd stopped the DVD just to check that everyone was clear what a whaler and a sealer was as it was fairly key. i.e. Trugannini, the apparently last full blood Tasmanian Aborigine saw her husband to be tossed overboard by these men and then witnessed his hands being cut off so that he would be unable to climb back into the boat. The fact that she negotiated with the British is attributed to seeing not only her fiancee, but also various other members of her family die violently. Anyway, that's preamble...we watched the DVD and the next class, I was checking how much had been retained, so I asked "what was the job of a sealer?" expecting the answer of "to catch seals". The answer that I got was "to take the women." Not sure whether to :eek: OR :lol2:

That's called conditioning. After a couple, you won't bother to ask, then they'll have you. But don't worry, it only works with normal people.;)

Pooka told the girl (4yo) she looks cute, and the reply was, "That's what she said."

Motorcycle weaving passes the car at high speed in heavy traffic. Pete starts the highway safety speech as we have a new driver. Lil' Griff chimes in deadpan, "Maybe he has to stop a wedding."

Shiner
 

3 y.o. free association:

"the bag is full of people guts and the tires don't like it. we bought some cinnamon and took it out and the tigers ate the twigellits. uhoh. sweep this up. throw this thing in the garbage. Toss the witch in the garbage, nice knowing ya. sweep them, sweep them quickly! they're going into the garbage."

what in the hell had you given said 3yo at that point? Acid?

she's naturally creative. Like her father. (whoever that is)

My sister was putting on pants for my nephew this morning in the bedroom when I heard him yell out, "Ow! Don't pinch my wee wee!" I went in to see what happened. She said she hasn't even zipped up the zipper; she was just pulling up his pants and it must've pinched him somewhere.

The other day I heard my nephew yell in the bathroom, "Don't scratch my wee wee!" His mom was bathing him and must've scratched his wee wee while cleaning it. :p:

Maybe all common stuffs you parents with boys out there, but I found it funny. :D

Ah, yes. We've been going through a phase recently. "My privates are long! How do we make them short again?!" He's really not a fan of this occurrence, though I'm sure he'll appreciate it as he gets older.

Hahahahhahahahahahah.....that is just too cute and funny!

Typical chick, laughing at our distress. :p:

Thor is going to be Orion for Halloween this year. Discussing his costume last night, he was telling me all the names of the stars in the constellation, and I said "we could put a beetle on your right shoulder, next to Betelgeuse". "Why?" said Thor. "Because it might be sorta funny?"

Thor gives me a withering look and says "I'm not going for funny" and walks away. :lol:

He's maintaining artistic control.

BETELGEUSE! BETELGEUSE! BETELGEUSE!!

Ok Four years later and I just got it. He was referring to "Dropping logs"

So he really meant you need a chainsaw.;)

My 4yo daughter, at the dinner table, apropos to nothing: “I’m having fun being a white person!”

:D She certainly is.

My 6-yr old G-daughter phoned to say "I have phlegm on my uvula"

mm (3yo) watching ballet:That guy should button his front.
me: I don't think he has buttons on his shirt.
mm: Then he should buy some and sew them on his self.

Today, IKEA:

"That young one appears to have separation anxiety."

Thor, aged 9, re screaming toddler.

The inch took a photo of a page from his airplane book of a P51 mustang and told me he was going to show the (sepia toned) photo on his camera to his friends and tell them he really saw the airplane and took a picture of it.

that will totally work!

...I must add that Thor's comment came shortly after we eventualy found him exhibiting absolutely no anxiety about being separated from us, although he claims otherwise and we were about to get the store to go to lockdown......

Of course you told him that would be dishonest, and gave him tips on making it more realistic. :haha:

That's the worst. But at least he wasn't a toddler actively trying to hide from you.

Been there done that. Several times. All with Thor. :lol:

So I've made these "musical education" compilations to play in the van, so my kids will be exposed to important music. Sometimes I'll quiz them to see if they can identify a genre, like reggae. Every time I ask the girl (4yo) if she likes jazz, she says "I like the movie jazz."

I couldn't figure out what she was talking about, so finally I asked her about the movie jazz.

She said, "We watched it on bacation." Okay.

"What happens in the movie jazz?"

"Well, the man opens him up to see what is inside him."

"You mean, what is inside a man?"

"No, what is inside jazz."










"Do you mean the movie JAWS?"

On vacation in Florida we watched all aquatic-themed movies, including JAWS.

OOOH I know pick me!

Sountracks!

Out of nowhere yesterday, Minifob informed me, "I'm drinking this water so that it will come out of my privates."

I agreed that was a good plan.

"Vaginas are not actions. Vaginas are people. People who attack other people."

the mm, age three and a half.

omg what?! lol

My mistake, she said "Vaginas are not PLACES..."

That should clarify it. NOT.

Vampires?

No, she meant vaginas, I think she just likes the sound of the word and its effect on mom. Combined with penis buttfeena stink butt it's a real crowd pleaser.

The vagina-as-people thing though was her first attempt at describing the nature of the beast, to borrow a phrase.

:lol2:

Kids are so funny, especially smart kids!

On why I should get out of bed this morning.
 

"Dad, you should get out of bed because it will release your brain juices."

Perhaps that explains the sloshing sound.

The mm singing softly while playing with her dolls:

"A poop head full of pees
a buttcrack full of butts
a buttcrack full of vaginas
a buttcrack full of vaginas
a buttcrack full of vaginas
a buttcrack full of vaginas
a buttcrack full of vaginas"

mmmmmm.....

I hear it to the tune of the farmer in the dell, but it's missing one final buttcrack full of vaginas line... or that could just be me.

adorable!

We were waiting at the airport for Dazza to get back from another business trip last night, and the big boys were mucking about pretending to be ninjas or something.

Many of you will know that my big boys are half Samoan, and after a summer in the sun, they've got quite a dark tan, so there's no mistaking their racial heritage.

Anyway, Aden starts to get himself set up to launch an attack on Mav, and Mav squares up and say, "give it your best shot Blackie Chan!"

hahahahahahah!

Trope Spotting
 

The mm, three and a half, asked, "Why do all the guys that want to eat mouses always make mouse sandwiches?"

"Mommy, what's wrong?"
"I'm just tired, sweetie."
"You are tired because you are too big."
"...Sure."
"I will shrink you little, and you will wake up like me."

Minifob's full of gems these days:

"You're folding that laundry like meat."
"How do you fold meat?"
"Just like that!"

Can't argue with his logic.

"I'm an Athlete, not a Spectator"

Hebe, aged 13, at her brother's really exciting hockey game, immediately after I had spent the whole weekend watching swim meets to see her swim one race each day at a pool 80 minutes away.......