How is Michael Jackson like a sale at Aubert's ? (just for you, GM)

They both have boys underwear half off.

Not sure how that expression would translate in French.

What's light brown and comes in little white cans?

Michael Jackson

Classic, was that in the wrong thread?
Or do you simply count Tommy as a tasteless joke?
I mean I have to admit, it's not my favourite muscial...

SG:

classic made a joke
I responded,
he asked for clarification,
I clarified in the affirmative.
he replied "mission accomplished"
which prompted a brief spasm of cellar association by zen "whacko extremists"
followed by classic's association with "tommy" (tw).

and then, mercifully, it died.

Thanks V - I'll assume you are right. I was just gonna post

"I have no idea, I did that yesterday."

hahahhahahahahhaa goldfishbrain

Barbara Walters once visited a large Indian reservation to do a story. While she walked around talking to the inhabitants she spotted a young Brave with a single eagle feather sticking up in his headband. Barbara approached the man and asked him, "Excuse me, but what does your eagle's feather represent in your culture?"

The Brave looked at her a moment before thumping his fist against he chest and replying,
"Mmgh, it mean me have one wife!"

"Thank you," she replied and continued her walk through the village. A short time later she spotted another Brave, but this one had three eagle feathers sticking out from his headband. Curious she approached this Brave and asked, "Excuse me, but I've been told that the number of eagle's feathers you wear indicates the number of wives you have, is that true?"

The Brave looked at her for a moment before proudly thumping his chest and answered, "Mmgh, me wear three feathers because me have three wives!"

Somewhat astonished she thanked the Brave and continued on her way. Sometime later she eventually came across the Chief. This man had eagle feathers all over his body. From his impressive headdress, with feathers fanning out around his head and trailing down his back in two separate tails, to individual feathers sown onto the front of his deer-skin vest and down the sides of his deer-skin pants. Barbara couldn't begin to count them all. As she approached this imposing figure the Chief observed her with great intent.

"Excuse me, Chief. But I've come to understand that the number of eagle's feathers a Brave wears indicates the number of wives he has." Gesturing towards the Chief's outfit she says, "Surely these are ceremonial and don't actually represent the number of wives you have."

The Chief thumps his chest loudly before saying, "Mmgh, me have wives on this side of the mountain, me have wives on that side of the mountain, have one hundred wives right here in camp!" Again he thumped his chest loudly.

"Well," Barbara replied, "from a feminist point of view you should be hung."

Thumping his chest again the Chief leaned toward's Barbara and stated, "Mmgh, hung like buffalo!"

Barbara took an involuntary step back before saying, "Now wait a minute Chief, lets not get hostile!"

"Mmgh, hostile, dog style, any style!" The Chief replied as he took a menacing step towards her.

Barbara, frightened by this time took another step back and as she brought her hands up to her face she exclaimed, "Oh dear!"

At this point the Chief stopped, stood back for a second and then said, "Mmgh, no deer! Run too fast, ass too high."

:lol:

It's aliiiive! IIiiittt'ss aallliiiiiiveeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahahhahhahhhaaaaaaa

GunMaster, that is certainly tastless, but it's also shit.

At least, I'm in the right thread. ;)

:biggrin:

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.
Mixing the Renault “Clio” and the Ford “Taurus” they have designed the “Clitaurus.”

It comes in pink and the average male car thief won't be able to find it – let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.
Rumor has it, though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month, and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain and horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased appetite for fuel and the curb weight typically increases with age. Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases, but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find it is best to lease one and replace it each year.

Some of these are a little offensive, but that's the point of tasteless jokes. They're quite funny, as long as they aren't taken so seriously.

Well, hello Someone!

:lol: @ Jim

How do you keep a moron in suspense?























































I'll tell you later.

Q. How can you tell when a firefighter is dead????





A. The remote control slips from his hand.

Q. How do you name the son of a Puertorican and a blonde girl?




A. Retardo

THE ITALIAN ELBOW

An Italian grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife.
"You comma to de front door of the apartmenta. I am inna apartmenta 301.
There issa bigga panel at the front door. With you elbow , pusha button 301.
I will buzza you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with you elbow , pusha 3.
When you get out, I'mma on the left. With you elbow , hit my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? ........
"What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wise Italian Grandfather

Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.

An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, Guido,
I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns.
How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lissina me, boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business ,
you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money,
a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. "

"Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
"Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, "times up'?

I dunno if i already mentioned this one:
what sound do flat tires on an Italian car make?

dago wop wop wop

Why didn't the Puerto Rican girl's father want her to marry a black man?

He was afraid the kids would be too lazy to steal.

A young Second Lieutenant approaches the crusty old CSM and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.

The CSM replied, "It's history and tradition ... First we give you a gold bar representing that you are very valuable and also malleable. The silver bar also represents significant value, but is less malleable. When you make Captain, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Colonel you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As a General, you are, obviously, a star. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes," said the Second Lieutenant, "but what about Majors and Lieutenant Colonels?"

"That goes waaaay back in history ... to the Garden of Eden even. You see we 've always covered our pricks with leaves."

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.



What's the difference between an African American and a snow tire?
A snow tire doesn't sing the blues when you put chains on it.

oh man... that last one got a guffaw. I can't wait to tell it to my black friends!

I"m lucky I did't have food in my mouth when I read that one.

Why don't Mexicans have cook-outs?

The beans keep falling through the grill.


Why do Polish men make lousy lovers?

They always wait for the swelling to go down.

So that's why they can't keep their mouths shut: they always spill the beans.

Sure, you were lucky. What about meeting with one of these leaves wearer ?

Yea, they send them school to teach them how to be weenies. It used to be called Command and Shaft, now it's called Intermediate Level Education for Majors....apparently being a weenie is only intermediate level.

oooohhhhh i wish i were an oscar meyer weiner..... ahem. oh. never mind. carry on.


what do you call a black prostitute with braces??

a black and decker pecker wrecker

Mommy, what happened to all your scabs?

Hush, and eat your corn flakes.

If you have children, particularly teenagers, ask them to be careful about the photos they post on Facebook. Remind them that these will be the pictures the media use when they are kidnapped or murdered.

Also likely.

Why is cum white and piss yellow? So Italians can tell if they're coming or going.

A guy with Down syndrome goes up to an ice-cream truck.
"Can .. I .. have .. an .. ice ... cream?" he asks.
"Sure, mate, what flavour do you want?" says the ice cream guy.
"Doesn't .. matter ... I'm ... only ... going ... to ... drop ... it ..."

That's just wrong.:lol2:

I got one
 

What do tightrope walking and getting a blow job from an 80yr old have in common?

You don't look down

Lol I got one! I made it up!

What do u call a bunch of adults with imaginary friends?
Christians.

Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff
ba dum tssh

If God is the answer, what was the question?

What is the difference between Martin Luther King Day and St. Patricks Day?



Everyone wants to be Irish on St. Patrick's Day.

Yep! They're green with envy!

From http://anti-joke.com/




What happens when you breed a Siberian Tiger with a California Condor?

Nothing. The tiger does eat the condor though and you are found out by a neighbor and charged with animal neglect, animal cruelty, and possession of two endangered species. You are fined $100,000 and go to jail for 5 years during which you are sodomized.


§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

I laughed at this. I think I'm going to Hell.

http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Pok...4d_3428235.jpg

What's worse than being pushed out a 10th story window?

Catching your eye on a nail on the way down.

What did Helen Keller's parents get her for Christmas?

Nothing, because she couldn't play with anything anyway.




How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They beat her with sticks.

Why did Helen Keller wear tight pants?

So you could read her lips.

ouch.

That is tasteless. :)

Not funny. I prefer this one :

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple after taking a bite.

May be something lost in translation. The joke you cited is the original joke. Anti-joke is a site where well known jokes are re-told with the usual setup, (what's worse than finding a worm in your apple?) but with an un-funny and un-expected or ironic punchline.

In otherwords it's supposed to be not funny.

What can I say? Remeber we're the people who gave you Jerry Lewis.

Reminds me of:

My mistake then. I thought it was supposed to be funny.

How about:

Two Corsicans are sleeping in a tree and the one in the lower branches calls up to the one in the upper branches and asks, "Hey, man. Do me a favor; look down here and tell me if my zipper is open."

The one above says, "Leave me alone, I'm trying to sleep."

The first one says again, "Come on, man. Just look down and tell me if my zipper is open."

"No, fuck off; I'm sleeping."

The first one says with resignation, "Fuck it, I'll wait until tomorrow to pee."


I heard that joke in the 18th Arrondissement of Paris, in 1983. I got it, but the impact was lost on me as I really knew nothing at all about Corsicans or how they were perceived by the French.

Sometimes humor is like wine in that it doesn't travel well. ;)

My favorite joke is the one about the elephant. I've had people look at me with completely vacant expressions on their faces...thinking I'm not done.

I've had people look at me quizzically, then bust out laughing.

I've had people get it right away.

I've had people who think it isn't even remotely funny.

A friend at my defunct club used to make me tell everyone. It's a joke you really need to be in the right frame of mind to tell. But I love telling it, there's a lot of visual to add. He made me tell his wife one time and he told me later she asked him later that evening "is it funny because elephants aren't from india, they're from africa?"

It's just the best joke ever. Well, except for: why did the spider cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken. That is sort of the William Carlos Williams' "Red Wheelbarrow' of jokes, in its simplicity. ;)

To continental French, Corsicans are renowned for their lazyness, their cheese (really smelly though I've known worse) and their bombs (they want their autonomy)