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   Undertoad  Monday Jan 10 02:15 PM

1/10/2005: Whale penis

A shot of an actual whale penis. Celebrate the whale penis!

On 3/28/2002 the IotD first featured the whale penis, and since then it's been an informal glance at how Google ranks phrases, a Cellar tradition, and even a sort of friendly competition (that's how I take it anyway). Here's the history so far.

At one point, the 3/28 image became a point of interest for whale penis images, and the Cellar briefly reached #1 in Google ranking for the phrase, after we talked about it a bit more. That ensured it would be a new Cellar tradition and away we go.

Ex-Cellarite juju, in a fit of pique a while back, built a site to compete with IotD. (It lasted three weeks, and I thought: see, it ain't as easy as it seems, is it now? IotD has to be a bit of a labor of love, which it is for me, and that's what drives it. Love lasts, pique doesn't.) The best image that Juju found was of sperm collection on a live Orca penis, which was very impressive. (I can't find it now, but I know it's out there.)

And Elionwyr found an Orca penis dildo, but again I point out that these are based on Orca wangs, and that Orcas are not really whales even though they are called "killer whales",...

Syc's Ciberbosque then started an impressively long thread on whale penis, growing out of and firmly extending the Cellar tradition.

Yesterday user staceyv wound up at the site of a whale beaching in Connecticut, and remembering the importance of whale peeners, took a few shots which she proudly forwards to IotD via this thread.

Good work all. The tradition lives on. Celebrate the whale penis in all its glory.

The Cellar is currently #22 in Google for the phrase. It truly doesn't matter one bit, but this shot alone is a better resource for the item than most others listed. So it will be interesting to see if others find it and click on it and link it, changing the rank. Are we truly the king of all dorks? Please, no wagering!

wolf  Monday Jan 10 05:44 PM

All hail the whale penis!!

Good job, staceyv, on getting the pics.

staceyv  Monday Jan 10 08:44 PM

Thanks I actually took this picture today, in Newport, Rhode Island. It was at Brenton Point, along the Ocean Drive (where all the mansions are- There's a Jim Carey movie out there that has him riding around the Ocean Drive on a motorcycle, I can't remember which movie...) Anyway, I feel blessed that I was able to witness this miraculous event

capnhowdy  Monday Jan 10 08:50 PM

Quite an image.
I hate penises other than my own and I still like the pic.

One question: Where are the cahones?

elSicomoro  Monday Jan 10 10:12 PM

Google gets all weird with our ranking...the thread is there one day, gone the next. Haven't seen it in a while, but we'll keep going.

We're still offering free e-mail forwarders, and you may want to join us in worship at The Church of the Whale Penis.

juggle5  Monday Jan 10 10:50 PM

Still looking for more pix? Check out the group of 13 thumbs at the bottom of the page at

xoxoxoBruce  Monday Jan 10 11:12 PM

Good job Stacey, looks like you got there just in time. Do you know where they were taking it?

staceyv  Monday Jan 10 11:32 PM

I have no idea. Maybe they were trying to get it to lie straight on the roller or something, but to me, it looked like they were scooping it's guts out onto the pavement. It's been there since Dec. 24 and originally they said they would let it sit there and decompose naturally. I guess some genius figured out that it would take awhile with this cold weather and that it would really stink. Ugh, if you got on the side of it where the wind was blowing it really stank. Where WOULD they take it?? I think they should've chopped it up the same day they found it and took it out to sea as fish food.

staceyv  Monday Jan 10 11:51 PM

elpsode found an article about the whale. here's a link:

Elspode  Tuesday Jan 11 12:07 AM

Originally Posted by staceyv
There's a Jim Carey movie out there that has him riding around the Ocean Drive on a motorcycle, I can't remember which movie...)
Me, Myself and Irene?

Roosta  Tuesday Jan 11 08:27 AM

That's one ugly looking todger. Mrs. whale has to deal with that womb broom on a personal level, the poor cow.

axlrosen  Tuesday Jan 11 12:13 PM

I missed the long history of the whale penis on IOTD. I assume someone mentioned the bar stools on Aristotle Onassis' yacht?

"Perhaps the most famous spot on board, John F. Kennedy first met Sir Winston Churchill in Ari's Bar in 1957... The circular bar itself was originally crafted from the timbers of a Spanish Galleon, wound with heavy sailing rope and is adorned with footrests and handholds of ornately carved whales' teeth... The barstools are covered in whale foreskin, a fact that Onassis delighted in telling his guests."

xoxoxoBruce  Tuesday Jan 11 07:26 PM

The barstools are covered in whale foreskin
Stacey's whale must be Jewish.

capnhowdy  Tuesday Jan 11 09:01 PM

Skin it back! I can't believe I just typed that.
The burning question remains: WHERE THE HELL ARE THE CAHONES?

A eunoch (SP?)

I'm considering a diet of nothing but plankton............the circumcision didn't help a lot, either.........

Cyber Wolf  Wednesday Jan 12 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by capnhowdy
The burning question remains: WHERE THE HELL ARE THE CAHONES?
I believe for whales, as well as most seagoing mammals, they're located inside the body. Dig around the general area of the close-up photo and you might find them. Makes sense though...I mean, if you were a seagoing mammal, would you want to have your sleek sexy marine outline thrown off by a big ol' pair of thingies swinging around? Besides, having them dangle would almost be like dangling bait

Roosta  Wednesday Jan 12 08:23 AM

Do the barstools have height adjusters or do you just give the top a quick rub?

juju  Saturday Jan 22 11:28 PM

Hey all,

Here's the orca penis in question.

wolf  Sunday Jan 23 10:01 AM

That's the lead in pic for the Church of the Whale Penis.

Hi juju, welcome back.

Undertoad  Sunday Jan 23 10:13 AM

It is, as I noted, a most impressive find.

darclauz  Monday Oct 3 12:29 AM dream date.

darclauz  Monday Oct 3 12:30 AM

i can't believe i said that. two minutes at the cellar again, and it's a whale penis evening.

LORD, i missed this place.

darclauz  Monday Oct 3 12:31 AM

and......... who's the guy, and what's his story? how does his wife feel about his fifteen minutes of fame? does she ever have cellarites stop them out in public, and say...hey! i know your husband! wasn't he the guy who....................

Griff  Monday Jun 5 07:23 AM

The whale penis will rise again.

xoxoxoBruce  Monday Jun 5 07:34 AM

The biggest was a 5-foot-2-inch organ once belonging to a sperm whale and now preserved in a cylinder of formaldehyde. It was twice as long when it was still attached to the whale, Hjartarson said.

Undertoad  Monday Jun 5 07:54 AM

That's the original whale penis IotD from the museum.

Ibby  Monday Jun 5 07:57 AM

That orcock is... is...
*goes red*
...excuse me for a moment.

Elspode  Tuesday Jun 6 12:26 AM

Originally Posted by Griff
The whale penis will rise again.
"In animals with such promiscuous ways, a male who can deposit sperm deeper into the female than his competitors is more likely to pass on his genes. So in evolutionary terms, he who has the longest penis bone wins."

I'm pretty sure this is still true nowadays. At least, it would seem so from the way some dickheads act.

xoxoxoBruce  Thursday Jul 13 11:16 PM

We can always use another......

Elspode  Thursday Jul 13 11:24 PM

Where are the whale indecency police?

Trilby  Friday Jul 14 11:05 AM

Do whale penii just flop around like that? I would have thought that they were retractable somehow.

Ibby  Friday Jul 14 11:08 AM

I think they actually are.. I know most oceanic mammals have retractible wangs, like dolphins and most whales...

Happy Monkey  Friday Jul 14 11:14 AM

Originally Posted by Brianna
Do whale penii just flop around like that? I would have thought that they were retractable somehow.
He's probably just spotted a hottie.

Ibby  Friday Jul 14 11:16 AM

MAN, it would be really annoying if they WEREN'T retractable... you're swimmin' along really fast, it's trailing behind whippin' around in the current... *shakes head*

Trilby  Friday Jul 14 11:19 AM

Originally Posted by Ibram
MAN, it would be really annoying if they WEREN'T retractable... you're swimmin' along really fast, it's trailing behind whippin' around in the current... *shakes head*
yeah, that's what I thought. Lots of drag with a Johnson like that.

BigV  Friday Jul 14 12:12 PM

Drag is just another word for friction.

Not all mammals have hands, y'know.

xoxoxoBruce  Friday Jul 14 10:14 PM

It retracts when he wants it to...but why would he want to?

SteveDallas  Saturday Jul 15 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by Elspode
Where are the whale indecency police?
Won't someone please think of the whale children?

capnhowdy  Saturday Jul 15 03:29 PM

Well, if I had one like that I'd........

lumberjim  Sunday Mar 28 08:57 PM

put on the discovery channel right now

Sheldonrs  Sunday Mar 28 10:11 PM

I guess it's upto me to make the obvious Moby Dick reference.

spudcon  Monday Mar 29 08:36 AM

More than 5 years, and no ones mentioned a recipe for whale schlong?

Trilby  Monday Mar 29 09:02 AM

When I see the name 'spudcon' -- I think of a felony-convicted potato.

Then I wonder if "felony potatoes" would go good with roast whale penis - OR - is "The Potato Felons" just a good name for a rock band?

Is this wrong?

spudcon  Monday Mar 29 11:08 PM

My secret's been discovered!

BigV  Friday Jul 29 02:14 AM

The Dartz Prombron Nagel Armored Sportback

"... will NOT be upholstered in whale penis leather."


Recent projects of note for the company include a Bugatti Veyron redecorated with red chrome and snake skin, and the US$1.5 million Prombron Monaco Red Diamond Edition with its kevlar coating, diamond and ruby logos, limited edition Vertu phone with the interior tastefully lined with whale penis leather!
You can't make this shit up.

BigV  Friday Jul 29 02:17 AM


Now, I have to debunk my own exclusive.

Apparently they've reconsidered.

Leonard went on to lament:

We have no any ideas to kill the whale or something like that. All we want- to make just luxury car…. We just looking for most expensive products for this car — and that’s why we choosed whale penis leathure when we checked it is most of most. After wave of protest we realised our mistake and make a decision not to use natural leathure at all.

That’s verbatim, by the way.

SPUCK  Friday Jul 29 07:28 AM

Heavy bummer.. Or er.. Light bummer?

Pete Zicato  Friday Jul 29 10:02 AM

Well, at least you're helping keep us the whale penis capitol of the world.

Happy Monkey  Saturday Aug 6 02:34 PM

SPERM whale, get it?

ZenGum  Saturday Aug 6 07:26 PM

"Inside" nature's giants... hehehe

Sundae  Sunday Aug 7 05:48 AM

Originally Posted by SPUCK View Post
Heavy bummer.. Or er.. Light bummer?
Is that like being a recreational bummer?

CaliforniaMama  Sunday Aug 7 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by Happy Monkey View Post
SPERM whale, get it?
I don't see how that long wobbly thing can possibly find, and penetrate, the proper orifice. What, does it have an internal GPS or something? Or, like a little brain at the end that leads the way?

BigV  Sunday Aug 7 09:12 PM

Likely it's getting enthusiastic help to scratch a complimentary itch by the female. Not to mention the prehensile superpowers of the penis itself.

ZenGum  Monday Aug 8 08:25 AM

I saw a whale doco a few weeks ago which showed humpback (hehe) whales at their breeding area. Umm, there wouldn't be a problem. Things open up.

Google image let me down, though. I'm thinking I'll have to found a temple of the whale vagina or something.

Undertoad  Monday Sep 8 08:21 AM

xoxoxoBruce  Monday Sep 8 04:52 PM

Oh man, that's funny.

fargon  Wednesday Sep 10 11:33 AM


BigV  Saturday Aug 29 02:45 PM

Scientists Are Tweeting Photos Of Animal Genitals In A #JunkOff

Who said scientists don’t have a sense of humor? A playful Twitter war, named #JunkOff, is raging between biologists and biology enthusiasts as they try to one-up each others' images of… animal genitalia, of course.
Not reposting the science-y pictures. Click the I fucking love science link yourself, ya pervert.

xoxoxoBruce  Saturday Aug 29 03:15 PM

Sense of humor? I thought in order to get a scientist license, and official credentials, they had to prove, swear, and affirm, they're a genuine deviate.

Your reply here?

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